I absolutely respect her right to have a life independent of men. She doesn't even need a reason. But if she is going to give one, it better be grounded on firm quantitative or qualitative data, otherwise the librarian in me cannot let it lie.
And, okay, maybe the part of me that's romantically invested in her also cannot let it lie.
Bess rakes a hand through her hair and settles back into her lounger. "Look. Two weeks ago, before I became an unintentional BookTok star, my video would have got a dozen views and an equal number of disparaging comments. Now, it'll hit the hundreds of thousands, meaning young women who previously didn't know they had a feminist lurking inside somewhere will realise I’m right – romance in the real world is dead."
Shoving the librarian aside, the romantically-invested part of me says, "Are you sure this is the legacy you want to be creating? Decrying romantic relationships when you could fall in love next week, because, Bess, things like that happen when you least expect it."
"Yes, it is the legacy I want to be creating and no, I won't undermine it by accidentally falling in love, because I'm an –"
"Aggressively closed door," we both say at once.
"So you keep saying. But what if an opportunitydoescome along that's too good to miss?"
"It won't."
"But it might."
"But it won't."
A sigh escapes. I can't help it. "Not all men are as you say they are. Nowhere near all men. You might miss your chance at happiness because of the level at which you aggressively slammed your metaphorical door in his face."
"I'm perfectly happy as I am. And perfectly happy to take that risk."
"Are you though? You ever heard the phrase 'The lady doth protest too much'?" I flinch after I say the words. They were a dick move and she'll, rightly, call me out for it.
"Yes. And you're falling into that narrative groove set by patriarchal norms that women who speak up are either hysterical or don't actually know their own minds. I would have thought better of you Ed Chakrabarti. And besides, you're an aggressively closed door, too."
I open my mouth to protest, but before I can get any sounds out she says, "Guess which two words I'm thinking of right now?"
"'Colonic' and 'mucosa'."
Bess' face struggles to maintain its sternness. The corners of her mouth quirk upwards as she says, "No. 'Kettle' and 'black'."
I take a deep breath and a long exhale before answering. "I'm more an extremely-cautious-door ajar. I'm not looking, but if the right person comes my way, I'll...at the very least, pay attention." It's a partial truth. I'm not looking because Bess has eclipsed all other possibilities, and I am definitely already paying attention.
She knows the reason for my extreme caution. A relationship with a vivacious and controlling fiancée who slowly whittled down my self-confidence, then broke my heart by meeting someone else just as we'd paid our deposit on the wedding venue.
Developing feelings for Bess was wholly unexpected and fairly unwelcome so soon after that experience.
Bess eyes me for several accusing seconds, like I've betrayed the Aggressively Closed Door pact we never made. Eventually, she says, "I take it that means you're starting to do okay in recovery?"
"Yeah. I think so."
"Good. I'm happy for you, Ed. That lady did some damage."
"Let's not mention her. Even by unspecific genderisms."
"Okay. But I think we should mark your slight pivot in romantic aspirations." Bess holds out her glass for me to clink. "To Ed being a cautiously-ajar door."
I tap the thermos lid against her glass.
"And to me finally having the power to dissuade young, straight women from thinking their worth is determined through the behaviour of men."
This time, I hold my cup still so that Bess has to reach across to make the toast. "I'm always happy to celebrate self-empowerment, if that's what you're truly promoting, but if it's part of a misguided belief all men are interested in is taking advantage of women for their own gratification, I don't want to drink to it."
Bess eyes me for a beat, then inhales in that particular way people do when they have something transformative to say. "You know, only today Elly was telling me she couldn't remember the last time a man did anything genuinely nice to convince her he's worthy of shagging. That they just rely on swagger and a misdirected faith in the power of their spray deodorant."
"So you're basing your brand on a data set of two women's experiences."
