“You can’t say that. My dreams turn to nightmares, Dean. I don’t want that for us.”
He presses a soft kiss to my forehead. “It won’t. I won’t let it.”
A shiver runs through me, every wall I’ve built crumbles under his touch. He leans down, his beard brushes against my cheek then chin as he kisses me, slowly, consuming me.
For the first time in a long time, I let myself believe maybe I can dream again.
Thirteen
Raff
You Should Probably Leave – Chris Stapleton
Jo sleeps curled against me breathing soft and steady. I don’t sleep. I stare at the ceiling with my arm draped against her back tracing slow circles on her bare skin. Her words play over in my head. The pain and fear of talking about Jonah gets to me. He is Justice’s father. Gone before he ever got to hold his baby boy.
I knew about Jonah. Sara gave me a brief run down once when I asked after meeting Jo that first time. The way she hesitated to embrace our new relationship makes sense. I contributed it to Brett, but seeing her worry about my reaction to Jonah, I get it.
She is caught between two places. The life she lost and dreamt of having versus the reality of here and now. Those dreams will never come to be. She’s had to pivot and create new ones.
I don’t want her to ever feel like she needs to forget the past. Hell, if anyone had what she shared with Jonah and lost it in such a tragic way, I can’t say they would be as strong as Josie has been. I sure as shit wouldn’t be able to put my life back together.
She shifts against me mumbling into the night. I tighten my hold, pressing my lips to her hair. She relaxes and falls into a deep sleep again.
For her to care about my reaction to her connection to Jonah tells me I matter. But it also tells me I need to give her confidence in where we are together. I don’t ever want Jonah not to be part of her life or Justice’s. He can forever linger in our spaces. He just can’t come between us because I cannot compete with a ghost. No one can.
She loved him deeply. He gave her the gift of her son who is the most amazing little boy. There is respect owed to him that I will forever give him. There is nothing for me to be mad about, nothing to fix, and nothing for her to worry about. She’s here with me and that’s what matters.
As comfortable as it is to spend the night with her in my arms and wake much the same, I am not the man to playhouse. I don’t want to push her. Moving in together is too fast for her and for Justice. But I don’t want to give him the wrong impression finding me here every night and morning either. He’s young, impressionable, and not really at an age to understand the dynamic of his mom having a new relationship.
For this moment, I’ll embrace this, commit it to memory for when I’m not here or I’m on a run. Eventually, I will have every night like this with her for the rest of our days.
Jo wakes before me slipping out of bed. The early light filters in through the window. I hear her moving about in the kitchen. The quiet clink of dishes and the smell of bacon let me know she is already making breakfast.
We eat and Justice takes off to get dressed for the day. Moving into the kitchen I take the plate from her hand, resting it in the sink.
“Jo,” I mutter turning her in my arms to face me. “Don’t wanna do this without talkin’ to you first.”
“Mmm,” she smiles but raises her eyebrow questioning me.
“Bought a bike,” I begin and her eyes narrow like she doesn’t understand.
She pats my chest, “get the cut is hanging on the chair, Raff, but you don’t have to talk to me about buyin’ a bike, babe.”
I let out a laugh, “well, the way I see our future, if I’m buying anything big, I should clear it with you. I didn’t buy that kind of bike. I bought a bike without training wheels for Justice.”
Her mouth drops open in shock.
“Noticed he loves to ride his bike, and I could take those training wheels off, but he’s getting taller, so found him one that is kitted out to look like a Harley. Pressing a button and it makes exhaust noises and everything.”
“Where did you find that? He’s gonna love it!”
She reaches up wrapping her hands around my neck and pulling me in for a kiss.
“I take it you’re okay with this purchase.”
She nods excitedly. “He’s gonna be stoked!”
“Thought maybe today I could teach him to ride it, but I didn’t want to put you in a bad spot to say no if you didn’t want him to do it by showing it to him before talkin’ with you.”
