“I thought he had given up.” I tell her the truth. I really did think this move, he finally was going to let go. “I even thought he moved on. There was a post on social media he was tagged in by some random woman. A picture of them together and they looked happy. One day the post was visible, the next it was gone.”
“But” she adds already sensing where this is going.
“He called work. I guess he’s tired of me changing cell phone numbers every month.”
“Josie, I love you. This is insane. The court granted the no contact order. You gave him your home for now, even while you pay the damn mortgage. If he’s calling at work, you need to tell the cops.”
I laugh sarcastically. “Tell them what? My ex is nuts about me and my son because I didn’t see the red flags. He’s calling me at work to talk because I’m refusing to give him access to me and my kid.”
“He crossed a line, Josie, more than once. He lost the right to have any conversation with you and he damn sure doesn’t get to be near Justice.”
“He loves my son like his own and wants visitation.”
“Honey, he’s not his son. He needs to get a grip on that.”
I sigh, “I know. But I can’t get him to sign papers on the house. I had to spend money for an attorney because I was getting nowhere on my own. Since nothing is in writing, I get the wrong cop, they will think I’m an epic bitch, and what if they give him some kind of access to Justice? It’s just a risk I’m not willing to take.”
“Josie, stop. Please listen to me, you can’t keep thinking people will judge you. If you get a cop who thinks you are keeping Justice from Brett, then call and get a different officer. Tell them to look up the history. My God, he almost killed you last time. Don’t keep brushing this off. He’s not letting go. He’s not going to give you peace. Justice can’t lose both parents.”
The tears fall warming my cool cheeks as they stream down. “I know, but he walks this line. Just like telling the judge it was PTSD and a night terror. Add in the TBI and he knows exactly what to say and which medical paperwork to show. He got away with it. He knows how to work the system. What can I do? I’m not dealing with someone who is right in the head. He legitimately has issues. Some of this he can’t help.”
“I get that, Josie. He got my sympathy the first time, but the second, the third, the fourth, there is not a care left for him. To me, it’s kill or be killed Josie. I see it in the ER, women who are battered. The choke marks,” she pauses, and I know she’s crying, “I saw the pictures, Josie. You aren’t safe around him.”
“I know, I just don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t either. Are you sleeping?”
I sigh, “not really,” I admit. As much as I want to lie to Danae to avoid her disappointment in my choices and my situation, I won’t lie to her. Nighttime is when I check the windows and not for the neighbor, but to see if he’s found me yet. He always comes at night the first few times. At least that was the pattern the last two homes we lived in.
“I wish I could be there with you,” she tells me softly. “At least I could take the night shift staying up so you could sleep.”
Tears fall and I wipe them away. Taking a deep breath, I get myself under control. “I miss you, Danae.”
“I miss you too, Josie-Mosie.”
“How is Papa?” I ask but I’m not one hundred percent sure my heart can take the answer.
“Every day is a blessing and a curse. I’m not ready to let go, but time keeps passing, and obviously it only takes more life from him.”
Our grandfather suffers from a rare form of Parkinson’s Disease. While the tremors began years ago, the advanced stages have come on fast. We have always been a close family, for Danae more so. Her mom, my aunt Debbie, died when she was eight years old in a car accident. Debbie was already living with our grandparents to raise Danae. Without a father documented on her birth certificate, she was raised by our grandparents. Nanny died eight years ago losing her battle with breast cancer.
Debbie’s accident is the reason Danae chose her career path. A drunk driver ran a stop sign hitting Debbie head on. There happened to be a registered nurse in a car behind Debbie’s who immediately jumped into action. This angel not only performed CPR on-site, but she also actually chose to stay with the ambulance to continue life saving measures without stopping. She was not giving up on Debbie.
Unfortunately, the damage to Debbie’s brain was too much. Apparently, she hit her head either on the window or the head rest causing a brain bleed, along with other internal injuries, there simply was no hope. At the hospital, they had Debbie on life support. Danae was able to hold her mother’s hand, talk to her, and even lay in the bed one last time beside her. The nurse came to visit, and Danae overheard Nanny talking to her. This is how she learned this woman’s dedication to her mom.
Danae is a compassionate and dedicated nurse. She still lives with Papa. After Nanny died while she was still in nursing school at the local community college, she didn’t want to leave the old man alone. My parents left Arkansas to become missionaries. While my mother has offered to return to care for her ailing father, it isn’t genuine.
It’s funny, the older we get, the more our parent’s flaws stand out. I love my mother and father, but they are not the selfless people they present to the church they work for. In fact, they didn’t ever take me or my sister to church. Not once. But they found God. The cult they have joined told them to sell all of their possessions to take up their cross to follow them.
I don’t think that’s what the bible instructs. Their lives are their decisions, I stopped trying to reason with them years ago. While our relationship hasn’t been what I desired, I still could call them.
Well, until Brett.
Not Brett when we fell in love or got married. No, they took my calls then.
It was when I filed for divorce.
According to their religion, I’m going to Hell. Their precious souls can’t be tied to such a disgrace, and I mean that with every ounce of sarcasm in my body. Somehow my divorce is going to spread to their souls and cause them to be in purgatory by association with me. Do not ask me how any of this makes sense, but to them it is a fact and therefore to protect their purity they had to cut ties with me.
