“So… yeah, everyone, I’m sure you’ve met Bayn already, but in case anyone is unfamiliar… Bayn… this is Myel, Rook, Vyns, and Koar. There, now you all know each other and… Bayn will be joining us tonight.” She looked up at him. “Right?”
He seemed surprised by this. “If that’s what you want,” he said.
Something strange was going on between them, I sensed it through their interactions, but I also felt it through my bond with Izzy. She was… connected to the man in some way. Curious.
“It is.”
He looked from her to us.
“I… don’t share well. I… might be…”
“A dick?” Rook finished. “Don’t worry, we all know what to do with dicks.”
I couldn’t help a smile as Bayn tried to figure out what the incubus was implying.
“Sometimes none of us share well,” Vyns conceded. I had a feeling something had happened while I’d been away which had caused him to say that. “Just remember, the main thing here is, we all want Izzy to be happy.”
The titan bobbled his head at that, accepting the angel’s advice.
Time for me to speak up. “Izzy… could I have a moment alone before we… get going?”
“Sure,” she said easily, releasing the titan’s hand and coming to me.
“I’m gonna go freshen up,” Rook said, heading for the bathroom. “Make myself all washed and oiled for my lover, anyone wish to join me?”
Koar and Vyns caught on and began to leave. The dragon went over to the titan and pulled him out of the room as well, giving Izzy and I some privacy. Not that most of the guys didn’t have exceptional hearing and would probably be able to listen in from the other room.
“What’s up?” Izzy asked. “I know the bond’s a little tight, since you were away for so long, but I get the feeling it’s not that.”
“It isn’t,” I said, taking her hands and drawing her to the couch, where we sat side by side. “I realized something while I was in the capital.”
“Thanks for that, by the way. I didn’t want you to go, but… your intel was amazing, it’s changed everything.” Her eyes suddenly widened. “Wait… you don’t know yet do you? Safir died. He fought off assassins trying to get to me, using some nasty poison and… I couldn’t save him. I’m so sorry, I know you two were close.”
I sighed heavily. Ihadheard. When I’d returned from my mission, Safir had been the man I’d sought out, but I’d been told what had happened and reported to Lhorine, Olinara, and Zora instead.
“I heard,” I said heavily. My feelings for the man were complicated, to say the least. During the time I’d known him, I’d gone from loving him like a father, to hating his guts for how he treated me and my bond to Izzy. I’d also thought — for a while — that he was the reason for my inferiority issues. That wasn’t the case. He may have taken advantage of my issues from time to time, being the leader I’d felt I needed in my life, but I was the one to blame for putting myself down.
“If we survive all this… I’ll mourn him in my own time.” I gave a sad smile. “But I know he would have been so damned happy to die protecting you.”
Izzy’s smile matched mine, bittersweet. “Yeah, he even said so at the end, something about fulfilling his oath.”
“Sounds like him.”
We sat in silent remembrance, before Izzy softly asked, “So, what did you want to talk about?”
“When I left… I said I had some things to work out… thank you for calling me out on that by the way. I had a lot of time alone to think in the capital and I’ve realized a few things.”
She smiled and squeezed my hands, encouraging me.
“I haven’t figured it all out yet,” I began, prefacing everything. “But I’ve accepted that I have issues around feeling inferior,less thanothers. It’s… how I’ve always felt, partly because I’m a shifter, but it goes even deeper than that. Even asa shifter, I wasn’t the strongest and my own kind have been telling me that all my life.”
“That can’t have been easy,” she sympathized.
I nodded. “It wasn’t. And now,inmy headat least, I can see that I’ve survived longer than so many others. I’ve gone through shit and I’m still here andthatmakes me strong. Butin my heart, I’m still a terrified little shifter boy, cringing at all the loud noises around me. And I think the important part is that I take responsibility for that feeling. I acknowledge it and want to change… but I’m still figuring out how to do that.”
Izzy leaned in and kissed my cheek. “I’m not particularly good with feelings stuff, but I’m fairly sure admitting what you just did, takes a whole lot of courage. Thank you for telling me.”
I sat a little straighter. She was right.
