“What a dick," Cruz said. "A bag of dicks. You’re making me happy I chose the single life back then.”
I thought about all the times I’d dressed up, sprayed on my favourite perfume, and left my apartment feeling hopeful thatthiswould be the night that I'd finally find a decent guy who liked me and wanted to share his life with me. Then I remembered leaving every restaurant, every movie theatre and café, still alone and searching for the long-lasting love that seemed as if it would always be out of reach.
Now, after a pandemic had swept through and left devastation in its wake, I knew what it was like to be excited about a man—a strong,goodman, who appeared to enjoy my company. “It made me feel so pathetic that I deleted the stupid apps and gave up on chasing something that didn't even feel real. I still had my family, my friends, my co-workers. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted out of life, but it was more than enough.”
Cruz rested his linked hands on his stomach and swung his gaze my way. He looked at me for a long moment before he said, "You deserved better."
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and warmth rushed over me. Other than my dad and Haruto, no man had looked at me like I was something special to be cherished. My heart swelled with emotion, and I gave him a small smile. "Thanks."
He let the silence linger for a while, then said, “I’m glad you figured out you were better off alone before the virus hit. Imagine being stuck with a dud during those long-ass lockdowns?”
Melbourne had been known for the strictest lockdowns in the world during the first Covid wave, but that had turned out to be nothing compared to the rules we endured when the zombie virus raged through. I shivered, imagining being shut in my small apartment with one of the guys I’d tried dating. “You’re right, it could have been so much worse.”
He held my gaze and gave me a slight smile, creating more of a connection with one look than other men had achieved during an entire date. “At least you don’t have to worry about that anymore,” he said. “Everyone’s dead.”
“Cruz!” I tipped my head back and laughed, appreciating the timing of his dark humour.
We shared a smile, and when a moaning sound came from somewhere outside, reality crashed in and the lightness between us disappeared. I glanced at the closed window, wondering whether the glow from the candle could be seen from outside. I hadn't spent the night at ground level post-virus, and the thought of being near a pane of glass accessible from the street had my body tensing.
“Better kill the flame,” Cruz said, leaning forward to extinguish the candle.
The room plunged into darkness, and for a second I felt off balance.
Yesterday morning, I had Haruto in my life, a man I’d loved and trusted for years.
Last night I slept in my bedroom while a new man occupied my living room.
Now, I was about to make myself vulnerable by spending the night with that same man on a couch in a pitch-black room.
Cruz made the sounds of someone moving to a more comfortable position then said, “I don’t know if I need to say the words out loud, but you’re safe here with me. Try to get some rest, and we’ll head off early tomorrow.”
~ * ~
I woke in the morning to find light seeping into the room, and a glance at my watch told me it was already seven a.m. I stretched and yawned, surprised I’d slept so well in a strange house with the infected lurking on the other side of the glass. Sometime during the night, I must have moved, or Cruz had moved me, because I lay on my back with a blanket covering me and my booted feet stretched out along the couch.
It took me a minute to realise that my head was resting on a pillow he’d laid in his lap.
I blinked and gazed up at him as my mind cleared. He’d slept sitting up to watch over us and make sure we both made it through to morning. He’d kept me warm and comfortable. Safe. It had my heart filling to bursting, and I drew a deep breath to calm myself. I knew part of the reason he'd initially wanted to meet me related to physical attraction. I saw it in the way he looked at me, felt it in the energy that thrummed between us—but this tender side of his… I wasn't used to being cared for. I always fussed over others.
I stared up at him, taking in his features while his eyes were still closed. His mouth was soft, his lashes thick and dark against his golden skin. The scruff that covered his jaw and ran partway down his neck had me wanting to rub my hand across it to feel the prickly scrape against my skin. Whenever I looked at him now, I felt affection, butterflies. Lust. It was so confusing. We'd known each other for such a short time.
“Stop staring,” he said, his voice amused. “I can feel your eyes on me.”
I let out a breathy laugh and pushed myself up to a sitting position, cutting the moment short before those feelings had a chance to take over. “Sorry.” I crossed my ankles on the floor and wrapped the blanket around my knees. “I was just trying to figure out how I got there.”
Cruz opened his eyes and gave me a slight smile that was insanely appealing. “You fell asleep on my shoulder last night. I helped you get more comfortable.”
“Thanks.” I grimaced. “Did I drool on you?”
“It dried off overnight.”
Laughter bubbled up inside me, and I sent him an amused look. I shifted my attention to the closed shutters, wondering what we’d find when we ventured outside. The sounds of moaning and shuffling had continued long into the night, sometimes close enough that I thought we might need to act, but we'd been lucky and there were no attempts to gain entry to the house, from the living or the dead. “When do you want to leave?”
“As soon as we're ready. We can wash up with the tank water out the back before we head off. If you want to take the first turn with the water, I’ll check the situation out front and make sure the car’s still in one piece.”
“Sounds good.” I hadn't given the bathroom a once-over yet, so I grabbed a plastic bag from the collection in the kitchen and took off down the hall. After scrounging in the mirrored cabinet and the under-bench cupboards, I came up with paracetamol, unopened toothbrushes, a brand-new menstrual cup still in its box, and a bottle of unisex shower gel. When I spotted the two roll-on deodorants, I almost cheered out loud. We still had a few toiletries that we'd been smart enough to keep in our backpacks, but when it came to hygiene in a post-apocalyptic world, you could never have too much.
The front door opened and closed as I filled the bag.
