Dorian stood next to me, watching me. I stared out at the water, ignoring him. He watched as I stood at the wheel to hold us steady.
This was a big ship, and someone had to stay at the wheel the whole time. It could hold a complement of thirty people, or a battle complement of nearly three hundred, and could be made an oared ship.
There wasn’t much more than the slap of water on the hull and wind in the sails. The sound of the twins and Aiko in the galley drifted up to us occasionally, and Belshazzar’s chuckle floated on the air still.
A very long, quiet moment passed on the deck.
“What do you want, Dorian?”
“You, back in my bed.”
I snorted.
“You’re mine.”
“You’re infuriating.”
“You belong in my bed.”
I took a deep breath. “I am not a possession or a prize, Dorian. I thought you got that. I am Kimber Raven. I am a distinct and separate person that everyone,everyonein S’Kir knows. Except you. You seem to think that I can’t be someone without you.”
The ocean was quiet again as the sun sank toward the horizon.
“You belong to me, Kimber.”
I turned and stared at him. “Back. The. Fuck. Off. Master Dorian. Back off. Whether I belong to you or not, you cannot consume all of me like a whale swallowing prey. Your brother can manage to let his woman make her own mistakes, why can’t you?”
His countenance flinched. “Make your mistakes…”
“You’re old, Dorian. You’re ancient, in fact, even older than the twins who admit they’re old. For all your wisdom and intelligence, you cannot dictate my life. You cannot lord over me. I am not a prize, and I’m not some puppet.”
“I don’t control—”
“Oh, horseshit,” I barked. “You have tried to control me since I first walked into the temple at age thirty. You never liked me. You tried to push me away, keep me back. You wanted me strictly controlled and nearly shit a full-grown iruki when I moved off the temple campus. You havealwaystried to control me.”
He walked away. He headed down the deck and down below, into the sleeping quarters.
I turned back to the bow, and I wanted to cry. I was tired of being an accessory for him. The twins were allowed to be their own persons, and he couldn’t seem to do that for me.
I broke the mountains of solid granite that stood so high no single person had ever climbed and lived, the mountains so tall with air so rarified and thin that birds could not fly over. Mountains that so completely cut our world in half that we didn’t even know what secrets the other side held.
My magic was that of S’Kir itself. I could feel the pulse of the rocks and the dirt and the water if I stilled my mind. I could hear them asking if I was in need of their help or their magic as I fell to sleep each night.
I could hear the ocean below as we slipped quietly through the small, unthreatening waves. No single person should have been able to pilot this ship, but there I was, hand on the wheel because I was a part of the magic of S’Kir.
My swordwork was unparalleled. I had been taught by a man who loved me and loved his swords and skill with metal. The only people I had ever come up against who came close to giving me a challenge were my father and Dorian. And with more precise practice, I would have bested both.
And Dorian treated me like atoy.
I wanted to love him. I certainly enjoyed being with him and the twins. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined having three men—maybe four—who would share my bed.
Without jealousy until recently.
AndDorianwas the one being jealous.
I sighed.
I wanted to love him. I wanted to love all four of them. It should have been wrong, I supposed. Maybe some moral code from when I was a kid, maybe the terrible stories Cely told me about how rare love—real love, heartbreaking love—was.
