Nor did I interrupt when he took us straight to the bathroom and set me down and start stripping me, and then himself…still muttering things under his breath. I kept quiet as he turned the shower on and picked me back up, this time lower so I could wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his throat. I stayed silent even when he placed my back against the wall and held me there under the spray with his head on my shoulder, still grumbling to himself.
I merely held him tight and closed my eyes against the spray—thankful that he had remembered to take my glasses off and rested my head against his. Gently, slowly, I started running my fingers through his thick, wet hair, getting the tangles out. Once that was done—his muttering getting quieter, I started massaging his shoulders, working the tight kinks out of his muscles, which was a long process. His mutterings turned into a whisper by this point, and I gently ran my fingers up and down his muscled back as far as I could reach until he stopped altogether.
Then I just held him until he started speaking again, still not moving, but telling me the tale of his life in English. And I listened. And kept quiet. Hearing his pain, feeling it radiating through his body as he started trembling.
He whispered, “When I was sixteen, I met a girl named Olya. She was beautiful and shy and quiet. And I may have even loved her some for a short time.” He sucked in a breath and continued, “She became pregnant with my child. Her family was poor while mine was wealthy. And when Papa found out about her pregnancy, he ordered us to marry. It was the way it was done then, the way Papa still thinks. I’m also fairly sure her family got a nice payout from it, too.
“I was young and foolish, partially blinded by her looks to really see the person she was inside, and I didn’t argue about the marriage. Neither did she, but later, I found out her family had some say in that, also. After the quick ceremony, she still lived with her parents. They wanted her to finish school and thought it best if she stayed with them to do so.
“She and I saw each other regularly, but after she found out she was pregnant, she wouldn’t let me touch her. I still don’t know the reasoning behind that. It may have been her parents doing or some fear she had of losing the child, but after our first few couplings, I didn’t receive more than a kiss. Even when she was my wife.
“Grigori was born and it was the happiest day of my life. And even though, my wife was many unsavory things, she was a wonderful mother, being as young as we were. She wanted another child, so she allowed me back into her bed. Eva was conceived. I was booted back out of her bed…and the beginning stages of her life. She was quiet and didn’t argue, and we didn’t fight, but she started pulling back from me.
“This behavior continued even when we finished school and moved in together. Eva and Roman and then Artur were born. That’s when she really started pulling back from me. I didn’t realize until later I had been somewhat of a stud mare for her. She saw me as giving her healthy, strong children. Once she had all she wanted, she…she went to other’s beds for her pleasure.”
I sucked in a breath and stroked my fingers through his hair again, his trembling increasing.
He chuckled harshly against my neck. “The sad fucking thing was I didn’t even figure it out until years later when I caught her in bed with someone who was supposedly my best friend. You see, she toyed with me, occasionally entering our own bed to keep me from getting suspicious. And I was furious with her. So fucking mad.
“I couldn’t stand the sight of her… couldn’t stand to be around her…. hearing her voice… smelling her perfume… none of it. I couldn’t fucking stand it.” His chest expanded against mine as he sucked in a large breath. “And yet…I had taken vows. I would never have done what she did to me. So I hoped to leave her, asking around, finding out my wife was a certified whore, practically sleeping with any of my friends who would have her, risking my wrath.”
My heart broke for him. I bit my lip to keep from crying. He didn’t want my sympathy. He just needed to tell me this and get it off his chest. This much I knew for certain, the way he spoke so quickly as if he wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible.
“I asked my father to help me leave her, and take the children with me…but he convinced me to stay with her. Told me I needed to learn how to pleasure my wife better and then she wouldn’t be fucking everyone else.” He laughed harshly. “As if I would ever touch her again after that…but, Papa made one good point during his rant. It was wrong to take the children away from their mother. As I said, she was many things, but she truly loved her children and they adored her.
“So I stayed with her. Through all her infidelities. Sharing a bed, but not really. There might as well have been an ocean between us. We never touched each other again—and I don’t think she really wanted to touch me—and I never touched another woman. She may not have been loyal to me, but I would not break my vow to her. I have always kept my word.”
He sighed. “She kept her affairs quiet per my request…but one day, years later, it wasn’t me who walked in on her again. It was Roman.” I stilled, understanding now why Roman’s actions had been different from his brothers and sister since almost the beginning. “Roman…oh, God…he…” Daniil shook his head on my shoulder. “After that, I put my foot down. Olya agreed to stop, not arguing with me after what happened. And that’s when my brother struck.”
I was confused. “Why would your brother attack you then?”
“Because he was one my wife fucked on a regular basis.”
Oh. My. God.
I held him tighter as he continued. “I truly think that’s why he did what he did. He was in love with her. Everyone knew it. He didn’t exactly hide his desire for her. He never had.” He pressed me harder against the wall. “He killed her first. Classic spurned lover. And then, he came after me. Left me for dead. And then he…” His body shook so damn hard I was afraid he was going to fall. “He went after Grigori. What he did to him…”
His breath caught, and my mind raced trying to put it all together. The only thing that made sense was what that insane man had said about putting a person Daniil loved in the prostitution rings.
Oh, dear God.I might puke.
Daniil’s voice boomed through the bathroom as he continued, “But Grigori got free and killed them all. Fucking all of them. Including my godforsaken brother.”
I stilled, hearing the truth and venom in his voice…not to mention the pride. I didn’t know what to think of that. It wasn’t something I could reason through right now because…well, I believe in an eye-for-and-eye. If Grigori had gone through any of what that sick fuck said in Daniil’s study, I was sure I could have condoned his actions.
“I lost my children when Grigori took them and ran away with them, protecting them from anyone who would come after him. You see, he was given false information about my welfare, and he didn’t believe it safe to be at home. So he disappeared. With Eva, Roman, and Artur. For seven years. And I couldn’t find them.”
He hissed, “And this all happened over a fucking girl. My wife. Her whorish ways. My choices. The fact that I didn’t stand up to Papa and his dictates. It all could have been stopped if I had just taken the kids and left her. But instead, I messed up. And my children were hurt because of it.”
Gripping me tight, he stated, “That won’t fucking happen again. If I ever choose to marry for a second time, it will be because I love the woman with all my heart and she loves me just as fiercely. I won’t let anyone tell me what to do again. That’s why I’m a harder boss than my father ever was even when he controlled everything. It was the only way I could be taken seriously with the wife I had. I do it now, I stay in power, because my children and I have too many enemies. If I were to give it all up, everyone I love would be taken out just for spite. Or, for some, revenge.”
I sucked in a breath. “None of what happened to you or your kids is your fault. You didn’t make your wife sleep around. You didn’t tell your brother to try to kill and hurt everyone. They did that. Together, they did that. Not you.”
Daniil stayed quiet.
I ran my fingers through his hair again. “But, you already know this. You’re too smart not to. And yet, you still take the blame.”
“I should have stopped her earlier. Taken the children.”
