“I know.” I kissed her forehead once more and then released her. I pulled my laptop out of my duffle. “I’ve got a few things I need to do before we get down with our partying.”
“So do I.” She sighed, pulling her own laptop out of her bag. “And this little party tonight just consists of dinner and a movie here in the room. Did you know the place is out of alcohol?”
I stared. Daniil didn’t believe me. “Yeah. It sucks.” I jerked my head at the TV. “But there are some awesome new releases on the television.”
“It’ll do, I guess,” she grumbled, signing on to her computer. “You let him call you Beth.” She stared.
Keeping my gaze on my computer as I sat on the bed, pulling my camera and tape recorder and earphones out, I nodded. “Yeah. It kind of came out in the heat of the moment.”
She started typing. “You haven’t let anyone call you Beth since my brother died.”
I stilled…and instantly burst into tears.
I had no clue where the fuck it came from, but suddenly, I was a sobbing mess.
Katie didn’t know what to do at first, but she quickly got up and folded me into her arms, sitting down next to me on the bed and murmuring softly, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Hush. It’s all right.” She chuckled a little harshly. “Fuck. What a party this is turning out to be.”
I rubbed at my eyes and hiccupped. “Sorry. I’ll stop in a second.” I choked as a fresh wave of tears hit. “I don’t even mind Daniil calling me Beth. It doesn’t bother me at all. I actually like it.”
She nodded, rocking me in her arms. “It’s hard, letting go of the past. Lord knows I have issues as you saw just a second ago. But my brother wouldn’t want you hanging on to his memory like this.” She nodded. “It’s a good thing Daniil’s calling you Beth. It’ll help you get past this.”
I sucked in a shaky breath, my lips trembling. “I won’t ever get past those fucking parents lying. People deserved to know the truth. And they did, but not before we were all hurt by it.” A good fucking reporter discovered the real reason why Justin had died. He didn’t just run his car into a guardrail, killing himself. He and another boy, Mike Glass, had been playing Chicken. And my best friend, my cousin Justin, died because of it.
Katie patted my head, and I heard her sigh before she returned the gesture I had given her earlier, kissing my forehead and standing. She stared down at me. “Listen. I’m telling you this because you seriously need to hear it. Mike and his parents came to our house before any of what really happened was exposed. They told Mom what Mike and Justin had been doing. They asked Mom what she wanted to do. They gave her the option even though it was obvious they wanted to protect their son from any charges. Justin and Mike were young. And did a stupid thing. Mom knew this. And even though she was furious, she wouldn’t condemn their son, take him away from the life he had. It was an accident.”
I stared and then screamed, “You fucking knew?” I choked, grabbing my throat. “And you didn’t tell me before?” It had taken a year for the truth to come out.
She shook her head. “No. Mom knew. Only after the papers did she tell me when she was called in to testify privately. She probably wouldn’t have even told me if I hadn’t overheard her phone call. She was still protecting Mike. One son had been lost, she told me, and another didn’t need to be taken too, for an act of adolescent stupidity.” She paused, slowly sitting back down on the bed as I stared at the ground. “I know a lot of what you do now is because of what happened to Justin. You believe the truth should always be known…but…sometimes the truth is better kept quiet when the people who really need to know already do. It only hurts those who didn’t know when it comes out.” She stared hard, her implication clear.
“I deserved to know the truth about what happened to him,” I ground out.
She stayed silent, staring at me and then licked her lips before saying, “What was better for you? Knowing he was killed in just a simple car accident? Or him dying because of a fatal game he was playing against another kid? What would have really been better for you? Or for me?” She shook her head, standing and walking back over to her seat and sitting down. “Some days, I wished all I ever knew was he died from not paying attention behind the wheel. Not that he intentionally took his life into his own hands by playing a stupid game, deciding to take that chance to leave Mom and me.” She paused, staring at her laptop screen. “Sometimes the truth is best kept quiet. Too many innocents get hurt when it rears its fatal head.”
I stared at her mutely as she began typing, probably checking on all of her girls.
Could she be right? Would I have been better off not knowing?
Knowing is what had driven me so hard my entire adult life.
Always striving for the truth.
Because the truth needed to be known, no matter the cost.
Didn’t it?
Not always. Ihadburned the truth about Cole.
I turned my attention to the black surface of the television screen. Thinking. Debating inside my own mind. If I hadn’t known, would I have been a happier person now? Would I be less of a bitch? I was smart enough to know even if I hadn’t known the truth, Justin would have been dead anyway. Nothing could change that. My best friend. Dead, no matter if the way he died had changed. He would still be only a memory and a gravestone now.
I felt tears trickle down my cheeks again and didn’t bother wiping them away…ever so slowly realizing I probably would have been a better person if I hadn’t known. I wouldn’t hate Mike Glass with a vengeance to rival any warlord throughout history. I wouldn’t have this heaping hole in my heart knowing Justin took his chances—with me and the rest of our family. And I wouldn’t be so cruel and merciless against those who tried to hide the truth.
Even though I already knew the answer, I asked, “You really believe that, don’t you?”
“I do,” she stated instantly. “Because that, my dear inexperienced cousin,isthe truth.”
I snorted. “You know, that’s my biggest concern with Daniil. My inexperience compared to him in life. Sometimes he says things I just don’t comprehend, and yet, I see the truth of what he’s saying in his eyes.” I shook my head. “I can even handle the violence over feeling stupid.”
“You’re the smartest person I know, Elizabeth. Don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re not.” Her tone was pissed, and I knew she was staring at me.
