‘But the drama. It’s never-ending. Don’t you worry that she’s like Icarus, she’ll fly too close to the sun one day?’
Graham laughed again. ‘But, son, she can fly.’
There was a silence and Izzy’s heart missed a beat. What a gorgeous thing to say.
Neither man spoke for a few minutes and Izzy could feel the weight of the silence in the room, as if both of them were thinking about that simple, heartfelt statement.
Finally Graham asked, ‘Do you remember your grandmother? She was the original dour Scot. I think the word was invented for her. Life for her was a joyless affair. She never saw the good, the positive. She was a mean-spirited misery of a woman who I swear drove my father into an early grave. When I met your mother, she was the sunlight. I envied her that ability to fly, unfettered, free. To find the joy in life. I fell in love with her joie de vivre. She’s a happy soul. Always finds the good in people. She’s interested in people, fascinated by things. Life is an adventure to her.’ Izzy heard the squeak of his chair as Graham relaxed back, the rustle of his clothes as if he were crossing his legs.
‘Yes, she’s loud, oblivious to other people sometimes and dives down the most obscure rabbit holes that can drive you insane. There are times where I have no idea what she’s talking about or where she’s going with an idea but she’s never selfish or unkind. Sorry, son, I know you find her difficult but her art, her warmth, her generosity of spirit brings great pleasure to people. I decided a long time ago that those people who find her embarrassing, well … that’s their problem. Not hers.’
What a lovely, lovely man,thought Izzy. There was so much love and sincerity in his words. She wondered if her father would have put up such a spirited defence of Xanthe, had he lived. It saddened her that she’d never know and neither would her mother.
‘You mean, my problem,’ said Ross in a subdued voice.
Graham huffed out a sigh. ‘It’s only a problem if you choose to see it that way. I know you’ve stayed away since you went to university. Wanted your independence. Didn’t want your mother interfering.’
‘Has it been that obvious?’
‘Only to me. Your mother misses you, but like I said, she has a tremendous capacity to see the good in people and she also believes that everyone should be free to do what they need to do in life. That’s her great gift, she lets people be who they are because she is who she is. You’re a grown man, you have your own life to lead.’ Graham paused and there was silence in the room for a moment before he said in a lower, more serious voice, ‘But I wonder if perhaps you still see your mother through those teenager eyes. I’m not saying you haven’t grown up but I’m saying that by staying away so much, you’ve not given yourself the chance to view your mother through adult eyes.’
Izzy kept herself still, wishing that she’d made her awareness known earlier. This was weighty father–son stuff and she felt like an intruder but she didn’t want to interrupt what was obviously a rare moment between the two of them. It also felt important.
‘I never thought about it like that.’ She heard Ross shifting, the movement making the chair creak as his feet scuffed the wooden floorboards. ‘It’s not that I don’t love her.’
‘Of course you do, she’s your mother, but you don’t see the person she is, only the mother you think she should have been. But think again. You were never neglected, she might have been self-absorbed and wrapped up in her art but she always loved you.’
‘And you,’ Ross said, as if in sudden revelation, ‘picked up the slack.’
Izzy, peeping through half-lidded eyes, saw Ross shake his head with a tender expression in his eyes.
‘We used to go fishing. A lot. And you’d always make me Marmite sandwiches and pack a couple of cans of Irn-Bru. I used to love those trips.’
‘Your mother hates fishing. It was guaranteed peace and quiet.’
‘Doesn’t the constant noise and chaos get to you?’
‘I developed tactics for dealing with it. Why do you think I have such a well-stocked shed? And such a low golf handicap. But I promise you, dealing with the noise and chaos, as you call it – though I prefer to see it as spontaneity and enthusiasm – is worth it for everything else that your mother has brought into my life. You being one of the best things. She loves you, son, and she’s not stupid, she knows you find her irritating. It grieves her but she can’t change who she is.’
‘She knows. Shit. That’s awful.’ Ross dropped his head into his hands. ‘I’ve been an idiot. She and Xanthe were so practical down at the lake when it came to it, when there was an emergency.’
‘Aye, neither of them are fools. Not my words, son, but you needed to have your eyes opened.’
‘Why didn’t you say anything before?’
‘Because I wasn’t sure you’d listen. But I think things have changed now.’
‘I’m not sure how, but yes, I see it now.’
‘It’s probably to do with falling in love. Maybe it’s your turn to jump off a cliff, take flight and see where it takes you.’
Izzy quickly blinked her eyes shut. She didn’t want to hear any more so with an incoherent mumble, she stretched and moved, fluttering her eyes as if she’d only just woken up.
‘Izzy?’
‘Mmm,’ she murmured, opening her eyes. Sunlight poured into the room, beams streaming through the diamond leaded panes. With a wince she levered herself up, her body leaden with surprising weariness.
‘How are you feeling?’ Ross leaned over her, his blue eyes filled with something that made her heart flip over.
