He raised an eyebrow. ‘A severe talking to. Your mother and my mother?’ He took a quick swig of his wine. ‘I think perhaps we should call it quits before anything goes too far, while we still can and while we can still be friends. Before they get carried away and start planning a wedding and believing their own fantasy. I’m a big boy, it’s not like I can’t put my foot down and say no, but I’m not prepared to put up with the drama, them interfering and thinking they know best. For the time being I think we should just be friends. Maybe we can explore things later on…’
‘Friends,’ said Izzy, nodding, feeling the familiar sensation of a rug being pulled from beneath her feet.Friends.Where had she heard that before? Izzy swallowed, wishing she’d got a bottle of her own. She’d been down this road before and she’d wasted too much time wishing things were different.
With one finger she stroked at the fabric of her dress, which was stretched over her knee, not trusting her vocal cords, which had tightened like ivy tendrils around a tree.
She shrugged. ‘If that’s what you want,’ she said dully.
‘Given the situation, I think it’s for the best.’
She nodded as disappointment swamped her, followed by a quick spurt of anger. His only saving grace was that at least he’d come up with the ‘friends’ line a few months in, instead of leading her on for three years.
‘I understand,’ she said stiffly, getting up from the chair.
‘You do?’ He sounded relieved.
‘Yes. You’re a coward.’
‘I beg your pardon?’
She gave him a sardonic smile. ‘Don’t use my mother or your mother as an excuse. You don’t want a relationship with me, I get that, but don’t blame them.’
‘I’m not blaming them.’
‘No, you’re not, but you are using them as an excuse for your decision. You need to own it. You’re too scared to have a relationship with me.’
‘That’s nonsense. Of course I’m not scared.’
‘Yes, you are. You said it yourself. The first time we kissed, you said it terrified you.’
His mouth firmed. ‘That doesn’t mean I’m scared.’
‘Yes, it does. You’re scared of too much emotion. You said that before too.’
‘I’m not scared of emotion. Like I said before, I’ve seen too much of it with my mother when it didn’t mean anything. It’s all noise and fury, no substance. Those feelings can’t be relied on, they change. They’re not reliable. I don’t do drama.’
‘I’m not going to argue with you,’ said Izzy. She’d humiliated herself with Philip on more than one occasion. If Ross wanted to be friends, that was his call, but he’d backed off once before and she’d given him the benefit of the doubt. Not this time.
She walked off and left him, her head held high. When she reached the top of the stairs, to her relief, the door had mysteriously opened itself again. What a surprise.
Finding the kitchen empty but tidy, she paused in the corridor and could hear her mother’s tinkling laugh coming from the sitting room. Firming her mouth in a flat line, too dispirited to face Xanthe that night, she crossed the hall and ran lightly up to her bedroom, closing and locking the door.
Chapter Twenty-Five
December 23
She refused to be upset by Ross. Friends wasfinewith her.
She tapped an egg smartly on the side of the bowl with a sharp snap, scooping out the golden yolk into a second bowl and the white into a third.
She could dofriends.
Another sharp crack.
She’d bloody donefriendsfor three years.
The second yolk joined the first.
Crack again.
