‘Even though I didn’t tell you about the big, scary dolphin?’
She scrunched her mouth up. She’d been thinking about that ever since they’d beached the kayaks, buoyed by the thrill of seeing the dolphin at such close quarters in its natural environment. Those twists of its body as it flew through the air, the dynamic movement… It was a rare privilege and one that she’d have missed if she’d known. Shame nipped at her.
‘You do know that if you’d told me, I wouldn’t have gone in.’
‘I wasn’t sure. And then when you said you didn’t like surprises, I really wasn’t sure. I was hoping you’d come round although I thought at first I’d made a terrible mistake.’
‘Well, hello. Excuse me for being a little frightened when a huge great fish jumped out of the water! It’s not exactly what I was expecting.’
‘Sorry.’ His sheepish grin as he reached across the table to take her hand made it clear he wasn’t that sorry and, if she was honest, he had no need to be.
‘You don’t need to apologise. Well, maybe a little, as I was flipping terrified at first but now… oh my goodness, how could I have ever missed it? That’s something people dream of but never get to experience. He was right there in front of us, communicating with us. And I’d have missed that.’
She’d missed a lot, she realised. A memory slid back. A swimming pool on a campsite in France. It had been the first day of their holiday, a gorgeous sunshine-filled morning that had them all hurrying to the poolside. Mina, impulsive as ever, had immediately made a running jump into the pool, curling up into a ball as she hit the water with an almighty splosh. Her aunt had let out a worried moan before saying, ‘It might be deep. You don’t know. So dangerous. Oh she’s just like— Please be careful, Hannah.’ So Hannah had walked around to the shallow end and waded in slowly, rather than jumping in after Mina like her initial instinct. It had set the pattern. Being cautious. Not wanting to upset her aunt. Not wanting to be just like her mother.
‘Penny for them.’ Conor’s warm hand squeezed hers. She liked the feel of it, almost like an anchoring bringing her back but not weighing her down.
‘Just pondering on what makes us who we are.’
‘Heavy stuff.’
‘Sorry. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m a coward. I really wouldn’t have gone in the water if I’d known about Fungie or the sharks. I’d have been too busy thinking of the potential dangers, what could go wrong.’
‘Some might say that’s sensible. Not cowardly.’
‘Yes but sometimes you can be too sensible. Sometimes you have to take a risk. Do things even though there might be danger because otherwise you miss out on so much.’ Now she thought about it, that swimming pool incident had rankled. She could still remember imagining the sensation of flying through the air and breaking the surface of the water with a splash, even though it had never happened. She remembered Mina bobbing up, triumph all over her face, her blonde hair slicked down her cheeks, grinning with delight. Mina, who’d taken a risk staying in Switzerland and ended up meeting Luke.
‘I agree. I risked a lot striking out on my own. I had a ball. Got to see New York, LA, led the life of Riley and even though I crashed and burned, I don’t regret it. I needed to do all that to find out what it was I really wanted.’
‘You don’t miss it all?’
‘No. I enjoy my cooking far more now without the pressure for perfection, but I also enjoy other things and realising I’m good at other things. In our family, cooking has been the be all and end all of everything. Fergus gets away with it because he’s the baby of the family, but there was a lot of pressure on Mairead, Sinead, and me to carry the family badge of honour. To be the next generation of the Byrne cooks.’
‘Have you ever said anything… to your mother?’
Conor raised a telling eyebrow.
‘Why not?’
He deliberately looked over her head out of the window, his eyes narrowing.
‘Because she lives and breathes the place. What would have been the point? She’s disappointed enough that I’ve given it all up. I was the shining star, the one with the Michelin-starred restaurant in Dublin. A brilliant ambassador for Slow Food and everything she believes in. The TV show that attracted millions of viewers in the US and in Ireland. And then I split up from the next big hope, who Ma was grooming for greatness.’
‘I’m sure she’s not disappointed in you.’ Hannah frowned. ‘Why did you come back if you think that?’
‘It was by choice, originally. I only came home because Franklin, my granda, had a turn – he did all the maintenance originally. I used to follow him around when I was a kid; he gave me my own tool belt when I was six. I knew if he gave up working completely, he’d fade away, but he’s too old to do everything on his own so I became his partner, and the more I did, the more I enjoyed.’
‘Still keeping it in the family, then.’
‘I guess I’ve always been closer to my grandfolk than my parents. They were the ones that brought us up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fierce proud of what Ma has achieved. She’s an amazing woman.’
‘She is.’ They both took another bite of food as if to fill the reflective silence that had fallen between them.
Hannah could see that the farm and the cookery school were a testament to hard work, dedication, and real vision. A little bit like the place they were in. Family. Tradition. Authenticity. There was a lot to be said for it. She envied Conor his family background and that sense of generations working together to build something so concrete. She realised with a painful pang, that she really missed her sister.
Sensing that Conor wasn’t about to be drawn any further about his mother, she changed the subject. ‘My sister would love it here,’ she gestured at the restaurant, ‘and at the farm. Mina’s a real foodie.’ During the rest of lunch, Hannah told Conor all about her sister’s venture in Switzerland and about the cakes she regularly pictured in their WhatsApp chats.
‘She’s the adventurous one.’
