He lifted a hand and rubbed at his forehead. ‘Sorry, I am genuinely pleased. I know what this means to you. In some ways it makes things easier.’ He lifted the same hand to her face. ‘You’re fairly sparkling with it. I thought you crackled with life and energy the first time I saw you, but now… you’re positively incandescent.’ His smile, filled with sadness, tugged at her heart.
‘What’s wrong, Luke?’ she asked, putting a hand on his thigh.
‘I’ve been offered a new posting.’
‘And it’s not in Switzerland?’ She looked up into his eyes, which shone with apology and regret. The sense of foreboding deepened.
‘No, it’s not in Switzerland.’
‘Ah,’ she said, as inside everything began to unravel.
‘Ah, indeed.’
They held each other’s gaze. She swallowed. It was worse this time. A thousand times worse. It hurt even more when you knew that the other person was going to hurt too. Knowing they cared as much as you.
‘I’d ask you to come but… that wouldn’t be fair.’
She closed her eyes. He understood. She’d found what she wanted to do, and it was everything and more. She loved him even more for his understanding and sensitivity.’
‘Where’s the posting?’
He scrunched up his face. ‘On a research ship heading to the Galapagos. It will allow us to see first-hand the environmental work they’re doing, and it will help inform the future environmental agenda. That’s the official line, but it is an incredible opportunity.’
‘Oh my God, Luke.’ Her eyes widened, once again realising that there was so much more to Luke than his modest exterior let on. ‘That is amazing. If I Google you, are you quite a big deal?’
He shrugged. ‘Not really.’
She raised an eyebrow.
‘I’m quite well-respected in my field.’
‘So when you said you were between postings…’
‘I knew this was a possibility, but it’s such a competitive field, and it’s a major expedition. Part of me is chuffed to be offered…’ He winced and cupped her face with both hands. ‘But another part wishes they’d picked someone else.’ His shoulders shifted again and she saw in the tiny movement the weight of his unhappiness. ‘I could turn it down.’
‘No! No you couldn’t.’ She grabbed his forearms. ‘You absolutely couldn’t.’
His face softened. ‘Being honest. No, I can’t.’ He closed his eyes.
She reached for his hand and squeezed it, trying to comfort him. It hurt more than she could have imagined, watching Luke fighting his own pain, and her stomach tightened in knots.
‘When I was ill, I promised myself that if I ever got better, I would make the most of every minute of my life. There was a time when I thought I would die. I made a pact. If I lived, I would take every opportunity. Live life to the full. So although this will do amazing things for my career, it’s also an adventure, a chance I might never get again.’
‘Oh God, Luke. You couldn’t turn that down. I completely get that.’ Part of her was humbled that he’d even considered it. She felt a touch of guilt. Would she consider giving up what was so close at hand? They were, as she’d always known, two of a kind. Ready for new adventures, but also the type of people that needed challenge and motivation to lead fulfilling lives.
It hurt. Playing fair was too hard.
‘Luke, you don’t need to feel bad. You can’t turn something like this down.’
‘But…’
‘There are no buts. I wouldn’t expect you to ask me to give up my plans, and I know you wouldn’t.’
‘I couldn’t, not when I see how much they mean to you but…’ He slapped a frustrated a hand. ‘Timing, eh? It’s shit. You know I love you.’
‘I know. And I love you. More than anyone before.’
‘Sucks, doesn’t it? I knew, that first time on the train.’ His mouth scrunched into a grim line. ‘And that makes it worse.’ He reached for her hand. ‘But I still believe in serendipity. That we met for a reason.’
