“You didn’t love Nolan. You love my father, and I know he loves you. You can be together now.”
I dropped my arms and took a step back. “That’s not the same thing. My time has passed.”
Maddie turned around, brushed the tears away, and said, “You’re here. In his house... in his bed.” She smirked. “But you won’t let yourself be happy. This is your time to finally have what you’ve always wanted.”
I shook my head. “No. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“What are you talking about?”
I sat back at the table and this time it was my tears that fell. “It’s my fault you lost everything, Maddie. I don’t deserve to be happy when you aren’t.”
“Mom, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have said that. I was angry when I said that. I’d just found out that Cian was my father, and I felt like I missed out on having my dad in my life. He was quick to remind me that he’d always been there for me. The way a dad should.”
She sat down at the table with me and took my hand.
“Do you know what would make me happy? What makes every child happy?” I shook my head. “Seeing my parents together, loving each other. He loves you, Mom.”
“It’s not that simple, Maddie.”
“Why? You just told me Salvatore wouldn’t want me to be alone. That he would want me to be happy. I want you to be happy. I want you to be loved.”
I stared at my daughter. She was giving me permission to be happy. After everything she’d lost, because of my choices, my decisions. She wanted me to live my life.
“I’ll make a deal with you.”
She looked at me skeptically. “What kind of deal?”
“I’ll live my life if you live yours.”
She shook her head. “Mom, it’s not the same. You have a chance to be with the man you’ve loved your whole life. Mine is gone. He’s never coming back.”
“Your husband is never coming back, and I will live with that guilt for the rest of my life.” She went to speak, and I held my hand up. “It was my husband who gave him to the monster who killed him.”
“But you didn’t know. You didn’t know Salvatore or Henry existed.”
“But I should have known what Nolan was up to. I chose to bury my head in the sand for my own peace of mind. It was wrong, and nothing you say will change my mind... but you have a child. A child who one day will know what you gave up for him. And he will tell you the same thing that you are telling me now. It’s okay to live, Maddie.”
I reached over and wiped the tear away.
“I’ll live in the present, if you will.” I smiled.
She nodded, smiling back and said, “I’ll try.”
“Good,” I said, and clapped my hands together. “Let’s have some wine and go through these papers.”
An hour later, Maddie and I finished the bottle of wine, and we were both reeling from what we had learned. The elevator bell rang just before the doors opened; I turned to see Cian and a smile spread across my face.
“You’re home.”
“I am.” He smiled back. A smile that didn’t reach his eyes. I should never have told him the truth. I should have kept that secret and taken it to my grave. It seemed every decision I made was always the wrong one.
“Hi, Dad.”
Cian kissed her on the head and said, “Hey, sweetheart. Liam is downstairs to make sure you get home okay. I need to talk to your mom.”
“Okay,” she said, drawing out the word. She looked at me and I nodded, hoping my smile was convincing.
“Remember what I said, Mom,” Maddie said as she hugged me. I nodded and watched her leave.
