I looked up at my daughter’s question and paused. This was a moment that, depending on my answer to her question, could change everything. Did I keep her in the dark, further wedging the space between us? Or did I tell her the truth, even if it hurt?
“I’m looking up information about Valentino Valentinetti.”
Maddie blinked at me. “Why?”
“Maddie, sit down. There’s something I want to tell you.” I waited until she sat, and I took a deep breath. “Women in this life are kept in the dark. I was never included in the family business, and because that was how I was raised, I did the same to you. But not for the same reason,” I quickly added. “I didn’t want you to be part of this life. It was why I fought so hard foryou to go to college. When you moved to Nevada, I prayed you never came home.”
Maddie’s eyes dropped to her lap, and a piece of my heart broke.
“Not because I didn’t want you, Maddie.”
“I know. It’s why I had to let Henry go. It’s why Salvatore didn’t tell his family until he had to. We didn’t want Henry in this life. He was the first grandchild. Salvatore told me that Henry would be expected to take over his family when he grew up. And because we didn’t know about King, I thought the same. I wanted Henry to make his own choices. To live his own life.”
I nodded.
“I think that’s why Darcy ran.” She knew what would be expected of her son. King was ten years older than Maddie. The Irish would never put a woman in charge. Maddie would have been passed over for Henry.
“When we learned Justin had died—” I paused, remembering my nephew. His name was Micah now, and he was in the same club King ran. Somehow fate had brought the cousins together. “When wethoughtJustin had died, he was the only heir we’d known about other than you. But you never would have been expected to take over. I think that’s why Sal kept him a secret. He knew Justin was alive and living in Arkansas, but he never told anyone.”
“Why are you researching Henry’s grandfather?”
I blew out a sigh and explained, “While I was redoing the house, I opened up Eamon’s office. Sal closed it up when your grandfather died, and no one had been in there since. Looking back, I should have left it alone.”
“Hindsight is always 20/20,” my daughter said sadly.
I studied her face. “Would you change it?” I asked.
“Change what?”
“If you’d known how things would turn out? That your husband would have died and your son would be raised by someone else—would you have made a different decision? Would you still have gotten involved with him?”
Maddie turned toward the window and leaned back in her chair. “I want to say yes.” She looked me in the eye. “But no, I wouldn’t. The love Salvatore and I had was like a fairytale. And the nine months I carried Henry inside me, watching him grow, feeling him move… I could never wish that away. I may not have my son, but I know he’s safe. And that means more to me than having him with me.”
I nodded as a tear slipped down my cheek.
“What about you, Mom?”
“What about me?”
“Would you change it? If you knew everything you knew now, would you still go to that bar that night?”
Her question caught me off guard, though I wasn’t sure why. Maddie was smart. She had a way of always knowing when I was stuck in my thoughts.
“There are many things about my life I wish I could change. But spending that night with your father isn’t one of them.”
“And if that hadn’t resulted in me?” she asked.
I smiled and shook my head. “I still wouldn’t change it.” Because there was one thing in my life that I had never questioned. Never doubted. And that was how much I loved Cian. I might not be completely happy yet, but finally being with him wasn’t what held me back.
I just wish I knew what it was.
Chapter Twenty-One
Cian
“Has Maddie remembered anything else?” Sal asked.
Caity had been living with me for weeks, and every few days Maddie came for dinner. I disguised my interrogation about her relationship with Valentinetti as dinner conversation and wanting to get to know my daughter on a different level.
