Maddie glared at me.
“Don’t look at me like that; he was too fuckin’ old for you. He never should have touched you.”
“You never should have touchedher,” she spat back.
I closed my eyes and released a heavy breath. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have. But I don’t regret it, and if I could go back, there are things I would do differently, but being with your mother isn’t one of them. Without that night, I wouldn’t have you.”
“You didn’t even know I was yours.”
“You think that stopped me from loving you? You think that stopped me from wishing you were mine?” I asked. Maddie bit her bottom lip, and her eyes filled with tears. “Come here.” I pulled her into my arms. “You’ve always been mine, Maddie, even before I knew.”
“Why didn’t she tell us?”
“She was scared.”
Maddie pulled away, backing up against the headboard. “Don’t make excuses for her. She made a choice.”
“She did make a choice. She made the choice to protect you. You never told us about Henry because you were afraid of whatKelley would do. What do you think he would have done to her? What do you think Eamon would have done?”
Her hands played with the hem of her shirt, and she kept her head down. She knew I was right. I didn’t like the way Caity had handled things; I didn’t like the way Maddie had either. Neither of them trusted me enough to come to me. They were more alike than either of them wanted to admit.
“Why aren’t you mad at her?”
“Maddie, I am mad. I am fuckin’ pissed. But I love her. I always have. Love makes you forgive things you probably shouldn’t. Sure, I could be angry with her. I could scream and yell and walk away. But I’d only be hurting myself.”
“She kept my dad from me,” she whispered. “The dad who loved me.”
“Did she?” I asked. “Because I remember the day you were born. I might not have been there to see you come into the world, but I held you in my arms that day. I looked down at you, and fuck—” I had to look away to get the emotion I was feeling under control. It was like I was back there, seeing her for the first time. “I loved you the minute I met you. I’ve always been there, Maddie. She never kept you from me.”
“But she kept you from me,” she argued.
“In a way, yes. I didn’t get to see you every day because you lived in New York. But every holiday, every birthday, school play, sports game, I was there, baby. Cheering you on. So fuckin’ proud of you. Graduation. When you started college. I’ve always been there, Maddie. She made sure of it, the only way she could.”
“I thought you hated her.”
“I could never hate her. She’s everything to me. She always has been,” I admitted. It was the truth. Caity had always been on my periphery, always on my mind, ever since she was a little girl.
She was three years younger, but always around. My father had worked for Eamon. We grew up in this life. When I got tightwith Sal and Duncan, I saw Caity even more. Then I got to know her as a person.
I’d finally worked up the courage to talk to Sal about her, and then work my way up to Eamon, when the bastard announced she was marrying Kelley.
“I took too long, and I missed my chance. But I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her.”
“Then why do you fight all the time?”
I blew out a breath. How did you explain to your daughter that fighting with her mother was like foreplay? I loved Caity’s temper. I loved the fire in her eyes when she was mad. The passion she tried to hide. Passion I’d experienced all those years ago.
“Did you and Valentinetti ever bicker about stupid things?”
Maddie smiled. “Yeah, he used to do things just to make me mad. When we made up, we—” She stopped talking and looked up at me. “Ewww!”
I threw my head back and laughed.
“Ew, ew, ew. No!” She made gagging noises, and I only laughed harder.
“I know that’s not something you want to think about regarding your parents.”
She shoved my shoulder and demanded, “Stop talking!”
