“She doesn’t want to talk to me, Sal. I have to accept that. I won’t push her into anything. I deserve everything I’m getting right now. If she wants to forgive me, and I pray someday she will—not that I deserve forgiveness—I will be here waiting and take whatever crumbs she’s willing to give me.”
“You’re such a fuckin’ martyr,” he hissed.
“It’s called taking responsibility for your actions, big brother. It is my fault Maddie’s life was so fucked up. Had I known Nolan knew about Cian and that Maddie wasn’t his, things could have been different. But I’ve accepted my part in what happened. Maybe you should try it.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
I turned my back on my brother to make his coffee and mine. When I set it in front of him, the look he gave me told me he wouldn’t let this go.
“You knew what our father was like. When Darcy disappeared, you should have known he had something to do with it.”
“I did fuckin’ know. But I couldn’t find any fuckin’ proof. I didn’t know Tyran was a backstabbing motherfucker.”
“Have you tried telling your son that you’re sorry?”
He nodded. “I’ve tried everything, Caity. He’s as stubborn as Darcy was.”
I snorted, and Sal looked at me through narrowed eyes.
“You’re the fuckin’ stubborn one. He gets that shit from you.”
“You’re one to talk,” he muttered before taking a sip of his coffee.
“It’s the O’Malley way.” I sighed.
“What about Ci?” Sal asked, catching me off guard.
“What about him?” I set my cup on the table and stared at it. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to know, but the truth wasn’t something I felt comfortable giving him.
“Have you talked to him?”
I shrugged. “He stopped by last week. But only for a minute.”
“Kelley’s dead, Caity. You’re free to live your life now. Be happy.”
I shook my head. “That time has come and gone, Sal. I’m too fuckin’ old for any of that shit anymore. Maybe one day Maddie will forgive me, find another man to love and have more babies.”
My eyes teared up at the thought of my grandson living in New York, away from his mother. I wanted to snatch him away and hide them both.
We sat at the table, neither of us saying a word. It wasn’t awkward or unusual for us. We both had our demons to keep us company. Sometimes you just needed to sit with your big brother. Sometimes, knowing he was there was enough.
“Have you been in the office?” Sal asked, and I tried not to react.
“The door is locked; do you have a key?” He shook his head—no. “Why haven’t you cleared it out? Surely there’s information in there you need?”
“Everything I needed, I already had.” He looked down the hall. “It’s the secrets that scare me,” he whispered.
“Secrets have a way of coming out no matter how hard we try to ignore them,” I said, knowing firsthand the truth of my statement.
“Doesn’t mean we have to go looking for them.”
“Isn’t it better to be prepared instead of being blindsided?”
We’d both been blindsided by our secrets. The only difference was, I’d lived with the guilt of knowing mine could be found out, and he’d lived with the ignorance of ever knowing his existed.
“I’m not sure either is preferred. If I could choose, there wouldn’t be any fuckin’ secrets.” Sal stood and rinsed his cup in the sink. Following behind him, we walked to the front door.
“Unfortunately, secrets are a part of life. Especially this life.”
