Did he? Had King known who my father was? Was that why he wanted to get a license and have Matlock marry us so quickly? I didn’t know what to think or even believe anymore. My head was spinning with so many questions. Questions I wouldn’t get answers to here.
“I need to go back to the clubhouse.”
“King will come get you when he’s done,” Maureen assured me.
“But what if something happens? What if he and Uncle Stephen fight? What if he kicks Uncle Stephen out and he leaves?”
I was spiraling. I knew it. My breathing sped up, and I rubbed at a pain in my chest.
“Grace, calm down, honey. Breathe with me.”
Maureen’s voice felt far away. I squeezed her hand, knowing she was right beside me, but I could barely hear her over the roaring sound inside my head. I needed to go back. I had to talk to Uncle Stephen. I had to talk to King. He was so angry at him when I left. Would he tell him what happened? Would UncleStephen know what they did to me? Would he care? Would he leave when he found out?
“Grace, Grace!”
I closed my eyes tightly as the memories came rushing back. Uncle Stephen fighting with my mom. His storming out that last time. Freeway showing up and dragging my mom down the hall. Steele coming to the house, ignoring me as he too dragged my mother to the bedroom.
Then I was in the bakery. Johnny standing beside me just before the bullet sank into his chest. I watched him fall again. Like it was happening in real time. The men grabbing at me, pulling me through to the back. Waking up in the van. Karlyn being hit. Skinner above me. His men laughing and playing with themselves while he raped me. Whispering in my ear, telling me it was all King’s fault. Standing by the waterfall. Then flying. Praying for death as I hit the water. Sinking below the surface, letting the water fill my lungs.
That was when I saw her.
My mother.
“It’s okay, baby. Let go. Come with me, Grace.”
I was weightless, suspended in the water, my mother calling out to me, encouraging me to join her. To let go. She was still so beautiful. Her long blonde hair rippled in the water, as it spread out around her. Her arms were open wide, bewitching me into death with a promise of her love.
“It’s so peaceful here, Grace. No more pain. No more lies. No more secrets.”
“I don’t want to go. I’m not ready, Mom.”
“Of course you are, baby.”
“King wants me. I can’t leave him. He needs me.”
“I need you, baby. You’re all I have, Grace. The only good thing I did in my life.”
“I can’t go. He needs me. I need him. I love him.”
“Love isn’t real, Grace. Love is a fairytale. They always leave. Some just take longer than others.”
I closed my eyes against her words. I didn’t want to hear them. Didn’t want to believe them. But maybe she was right. They all left her. Uncle Stephen, Steele, and even Freeway stopped coming.
Would King leave too? After what happened, why would he stay? Who’d want a woman used by so many men?
“He’ll stay for a little while. But not forever, Grace. Here we can have forever, baby. You and me. My little Stephanie Grace. The only good thing I ever did.”
I shook my head. “No,” I cried.
My mother took my hand and pulled me toward a blinding light. I let her. She was my mother; I trusted her. I believed her. She loved me. She protected me.
But I wanted him. I wanted a life. I wanted a family. Babies. Friends. I tried to pull my hand back, but my mother held on tight.
“Grace!” she called. I shook my head.
“No! I have to stay!”
“Grace, come back!”
