“Why?”
I moved away from him. I couldn’t stand so close to him without reaching out. Without jumping into his arms and kissing him. Running my hands over his bare chest. Licking his nipples. My body was hot. It didn’t make sense.Why am I not afraid? Why am I not cowering away from him?Something had changed.
After talking to Amber, and Johnny, and Maureen, something had shifted. After sleeping wrapped around him last night, something ignited inside me, and it terrified me.
I couldn’t become my mother. I couldn’t just push everything away like it never happened.
“Grace.”
I spun around and glared at him. “Why don’t you hate me?”
“What?” His face contorted with confusion. He tossed the leather cut on the bed and stalked toward me. I stepped back, and he froze. I hated that he was afraid to touch me. Afraid to scare me.
He didn’t scare me.
They scared me.
I scared me.
“You should hate me. This is my fault. All of it is my fault.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? None of this is your fault, Grace.”
“I should have stayed here. Karlyn didn’t want to go. I pushed her. I forced her to go to Trudy’s with me. And then everything happened. Johnny was shot. Indigo. Jackson.” I looked away. There was a window in King’s room. A large picture window that looked out over the backyard.
“You almost lost your brother because of me.”
“That’s bullshit, Grace.”
“It’s not!” I screamed. “I never should have fucking come here!”
King stepped back as if I’d slapped him. “What are you saying?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t stop. “I should have known Steele wasn’t him. I shouldn’t have come here looking for you. I shouldn’t have tried to frame you for rape. Don’t you see?” I shouted, my arms flying out wide at my sides. “This is my punishment. For being her! I loved her, but there was something wrong with her. She had something dark inside her, and it’s growing inside of me.”
“Grace, I love you.”
“NO!” I yelled. “No. I can’t do this. I don’t deserve you. When the others find out what I tried to do. They’ll agree. I told Karlyn. You should have seen the way she looked at me. We’ll never be friends. Not after what she knows. You’ll lose your brother, and I can’t be the reason you lose him. You already almost lost him once because I was stupid. Because I was mad at you for fucking me.”
“What?” The word was a pained whisper. His face fell. I didn’t know what he was thinking. “I’m sorry, Grace. I thought…” His hands rubbed at his face. “FUCK!” he thundered as he turned and punched a hole in the wall. I didn’t flinch. I knew he’d never hurt me.
“I’m sorry, Grace. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
He sank down at the end of the bed. “I dragged you up here. I didn’t give you a choice. I should have stopped. I should have asked you first.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? You did ask me. I told you I wanted to sleep next to you. That I felt safe with you.”
“If you’d said no... if I thought for one second you didn’t want me... I never would have.” He dropped his head into his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. And all at once I realized what he thought I’d meant.
I dropped to my knees in front of him. Tears streamed down my face. “No, no, no. King, that’s not what I meant.”
I pulled his hands away. “I wanted you! I’ve wanted you for so fucking long. I never said no because I wanted you. I never said stop, not to you, because I didn’t want you to stop.”
I stood up and pulled his head against my chest. “I was mad at you because I wanted you too. I was mad at you because the minute you touch me, I melt. I give in. I didn’t want to give in; I wanted to push you away, but I can’t fucking live without you. But I have to.”
“Why? I love you. I want you to be my wife. I want you to be my old lady. I want you, Grace.”
