Muffled music greets us, growing louder as we slip into the backyard. There are people everywhere. I reach for my back pocket and realize my new phone’s gone.
Great.
So much for a little distraction. Thank Kvirr,I have new books waiting, because I’mnot in the mood for a party.
36
Kai
SHUT THIS PARTY DOWN
As we approach the manor,the music grows louder. Pounding, messy, and utterly alive. Vi starts to pick up on it; I can tell by the way she glances at me. The party is already in full swing. People crowd the yard, drinks in hand, bodies moving to the pulse of a rock symphony as if church and chaos mingled.
“I’m going to kill Wyll,” I mutter.
Speaking of the devil, Wyll strides toward us with that infuriating grin, making his canines glint and two beers in hand as if he’s handing out a gift basket.
“There you go, Corporal. Lyna, anything I can get you?” I grab the bottle from him, harder than necessary.
The cold hits my palm, grounding me for a second, just a second. Because the moment after that, I realize where we are and what’s expected of me—Corporal. And what a soldier I am, not even able to follow basic rules, the reason I failed him, Sammy. The guilt slams into me like a sucker punch. Tipping the bottle up, I chug it down, trying to drown the wreckage clawing its way up. Feeling my armour bolting back into place, after all, bad habits die hard.
“She’s not staying,” I mutter.
Avilyna doesn’t even look at me. “And who the fuck are you to tell what I can or can’t do?” She snaps, hips swinging, and I watch her leave in fury, like the damn fool that I am.
And only once she’s out of my sight do I regain control of my movements. Quickly reaching the kitchen, it’s quieter. A small relief washes over me as I look for my old, reliable, dark and bitter solace. Two gulps in, the burn starts to cut through the noise, then I hear Wyll laugh.
“What’s funny?” I grit out.
“Well, it just… been a while since you gave a damn about anything, really.” That’s the one.
The sentence that tips the cup, making it overflow. I don’t answer, just down the rest, slamming the bottle on the counter, and walk out. If Lindir can tell that I am unfocused, it just shows how deep in shit I am.
I reach the heart of the commotion, the too-loud music, the night that doesn’t ask questions, just buzzes with unruled energy. I spot Caleb on the couch and drop beside him.
“You let him throw a party?” I ask, his left pointed ear slightly twitching. Caleb gives me a look. Heavy, weighted as if I should already know why, and I hate it.
“What day is it?”
“Fuck.” I mutter as it dawns on me.
“Yup, Freya’s birthday,” Caleb mutters, snagging the bottle from my hand.
Another thing I forgot.
“She’d be eighteen,” he adds after taking a swig and handing me the bottle back. I drink longer this time.
Wyll throws parties to forget. Loud, reckless, burning through distraction like it’ll erase what he lost. But me? I don’t—can’t forget. Because remembering every goddamn detail is the punishment I earned for not being able to save him.
“Hi!” Heather’s voice slices through my thoughts.
All sugary and bright, she drifts away from the piano, heading straight for me.
“Heather,” I mutter, the word dry in my mouth, empty.
She’s not who I want, not even close. But she’s easy, and loud enough to drown out the parts of me I am not allowed to feel. Even if it makes my skin crawl, her perfume only adds to my disgust. So I drink, and through the corner of my eyes, I see her. Vi walks in, commanding all my attention and clearly others. I was so selfish earlier, and I can’t let that happen again. She’s not safe with me; no one really is.
And I know exactly what to do to undo anything that wasworthsomething.
