That creeping weight rises again thick, heavy, and suffocating. The classroom noise dulls to a low hum. Laughter, whispers, and the shuffle of papers fade into nothingness…
I’m not here anymore.
I’m somewhere deep inside my mind, behind glass I can’t break. My pulse pounds louder with each heartbeat, echoing in my ears, thrumming through my veins. Every second stretches unbearably long as I fight to steady my breath.
Shallow.
Ragged.
Not good.
Then, the bell rings, sharp and jarring.
I jolt upright.
With clammy hands, I scramble to gather my books.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Van approaching, worry etched across her face. “Lyna, you okay?”
I keep my gaze low, voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah… you know me. I just can’t stand sitting still for too long.”
She doesn’t buy it.
I wouldn’t either. My hands are still trembling, my jaw clenched tight. Van arches a perfectly sculpted brow, her smile sharp and knowing.
“Okay, well… if sitting still turns you into a walking anxiety attack, I clearly need to drag you somewhere with oxygen and decent lighting.”
Ditchingschool isn’t exactly my proudest decision, but it’s my first time here. And it’s my last year before I have to decide what my future will look like. Honestly, it’s not like the dean can get in touch with my dad. So, with all that in mind, I make the reckless, yet semi-logical choice to follow my brilliant, bad influence of a best friend. Besides, we only had one class left.
Arriving at our beloved location, the old port, I park in our favourite spot in front of the water. Tucked just far enough from the main path to give us privacy, while we indulge in our favourite pastime: gardening, of course. After pulling a long drag from Van’s stash, I pass it back to her.
“Anxiety fucking sucks.”
Coughing lightly, she asks me, “Did anything trigger it?”
“You know me, everything is triggering,” I say with a sarcastic laugh, but when I see that she doesn’t return my smile, I continue with a serious tone.
“I recently had a vivid nightmare, and I haven’t been able to shake it.”
Meeting Van’s eyes, I see they are focused on me, giving me all of her attention. It makes me feel like my words are relevant, no matter what I say, like she’s here to listen and help me through whatever is bothering me. But opening up to someone who isn’t mandated by blood to not judge me is scary, especially with what happened last time.
So I chose the safest option.
“I dreamt of my brother dying.”
Her eyes soften with a shine of sadness. A weight settles in my chest like I'm a burden, but I know she cares. So I shovethe thought down, burying it beneath the tangled mess of my insecurities.
“Well, it’s understandable for you to be on edge after having a dream like that, but remember to go easy on yourself.”
“Yeah… I know,” I answer a bit distractedly. My eyes catch onto something moving in the trees, but she doesn't seem to notice.
A chill crawls up my spine.
“Did you see that?”
Vanessa turns her head towards the direction I am looking. “See what?”
I blink, convinced I glimpsed something tall moving in the shadows, but now, there's nothing. It must have been my imagination.
