“Oh, Motor, don’t eat that!” she squeaks, darting over to the tree, where Motor is chewing on a fabric decoration. A smile spreads across my face as I watch her rearranging them so he can’t get at any more.
“Are we watching Christmas movies or not?” I ask.
She throws me a grin over my shoulder, and that’s exactly what we do. Endless crappy Christmas movies, where we boo at the ridiculous scripts, toss popcorn at the cheesy moments, and I’m laughing until my sides hurt.
Trying to forget that everything has changed.
When we finish watchingDie Hardagain, the only good movie of them all, Ella hands me a large envelope. She sits close, feet tucked under her, knees touching my leg.
“Merry Christmas, Grinch,” she says. I open it and pages slip out. “It’s everything I remember Asher saying about you.”
My eyes meet hers. “Me?”
She nods. “I started writing things down after I got here … just to make sure I remembered. Then it turned into writing about him and everything we’d ever said or done together. I guess I forgot how much he talked about you.” She taps the pages. “That isn’t everything I’ve written, but it’s the parts about you.”
“ASHER & GABLE” is typed on the front. There are a lot of pages, and I’m almost scared to look because I don’t know what it’ll do to me to see our memories like this.
Ella searches my face. “Is it okay that I did that?”
I don’t know what to say. She’s put together what are probably the happiest moments of my life. How do you everthank someone for that? You can’t. I was never good at thank yous, anyway, and this feels like it deserves more than words.
Instead, I take her hand. I squeeze it in mine and keep my eyes locked with hers, hoping for the strength to walk away from something I want so badly.
Her smile is small. “He really loved you.”
“He really loved you, too,” I say, surprised that my voice cracks. I break eye contact to lean forward and reach under the couch for her gift.
Her eyes sparkle. “For me?” She wiggles in her seat and tears off the packaging, paper flying everywhere. Always making a damn mess. When she sees the gift, her lip trembles. “You got me pens?”
“A subscription of fucking pens,” I say. “Next month’s will be delivered to your dad’s house, obviously, so?—”
She flings her arms around me, and I freeze. As Ella buries her face in my shoulder and mumbles her thanks, my heart officially fucking betrays me. I hold onto her, and I hate myself, my life, my fucking heart for being such a damn fool.
I swallow hard. “I should go to bed. And you have writing to do.”
I hop to my feet, and as I reach the stairs, Ella calls my name. “Thank you for making this such a great day. I had fun.”
“Me too.” Too much fun.
ASHER & GABLE
Asher looksat me like that again, and I wish he wouldn’t, because I think he knows what it does to me. Yes, he definitely knows, because he’s grinning. That goddamn grin. I love that grin.
“One day, he’ll like you,” Asher says. “I promise.”
“And hell will freeze over!” I sing, and Asher laughs, like he always does, because he finds me funny for some reason. I move closer to him, hoping he’ll keep grinning. “He’ll only ever like me because he has to.”
“Nah,” Asher says, and I know that look; it means he’s thinking of a time before us, and I’m excited because I like learning more about him. Maybe we’ll have a lifetime together to learn, but just in case, I want to know it all now.
Who are you, Asher Flynn? Who are you now? Who were you before?
And will you let me find out who you’ll eventually be?
“No, he’ll like you because he’ll see who you are, just like I do. The only difference between him and me is that I’m not as guarded,” he says. “Gable’s just careful. You could be a serial killer.”
“Then he’d be right,” I say. “I’m murdering people all the time. Got the cash? I’m your gal.”
Asher smiles again, turning on his side to pull me close. He runs his fingers through my hair, and I’m not sure how one gesture can make me feel so much, but it does. It isn’t just physical; it’s everything. It’s goose bumps and butterflies colliding, giving me a hundred more reasons to want Asher Flynn.
