“No, that’s okay.”
“Not even a cat with a motivational quote poster?” Ava teased.
Fern laughed and shook her head. “I think that balloon will be enough. I’m not a collector of things.”
“What do you collect?”
“Memories,” she said.
“Do you want to share any of them?” Ava asked her. She hadn’t delved into anything in Fern’s past—she knew the other woman had been in the foster care system, but Fern hadn’t brought it up. Ava was here to discuss whatever Fern had on her mind.
“Just one. When I graduated from high school, my foster mom gave me a balloon that said ‘The Future Is Yours.’ I think…this balloon is giving all the same feels.”
That was a nice connection. They talked for a few more minutes before Ava left. Fern was making progress and healing nicely, but there was a part of Ava that feared the other woman was putting on a show. At some point the memories of what happened to her were going to become bigger, harder to contain. Ava hoped that the techniques and conversations they’d had together would be enough to help her when that time came.
Chapter 8
Work was stressful and Gracie was cranky, probably because of the new tooth that Ava could see trying to poke through her gums. Chay was meant to be at her place at six, and Ava still was in her work clothes and now had dried baby food on the front of her sweater.
It took all of her willpower not to join Gracie and start crying. Fern was making nice progress, but Ava had other patients, and her Friday group was starting to be the toughest.
It didn’t help that it was winter. One of her patients, Alice, struggled with anxiety and depression and long walks were really the only thing that helped her, but the weather lately had been so inclement she hadn’t been able to get out, so she’d been walking almost six hours a day on her treadmill, which wasn’t working. Her nails were bitten to the quick and she hadn’t been able to sit still the entire session until Ava had decided they would go and walk around the park she’d taken Gracie to the other day.
That had worked, but Ava was worried about Alice, even as she knew she had to give her the space to figure out how to help herself. She hadn’t thought of making laps around the park, which of course felt obvious to Ava, but she wasn’t struggling the way Alice was.
There were days like today when she wondered if she was making any difference. She’d volunteered maybe too quickly to take on Gracie to foster. She had no experience with babies, just had somehow figured she could do it.
God, she was wrong.
It wasn’t easy. Those pictures she’d had in her head of rocking a sleeping baby or playing with her as she learned to roll over and start crawling felt like they were mocking her.
The doorbell rang, interrupting her negative thought spiral. She glanced at the clock and then down at herself. There was no time to change. That had to be Chay.
Gracie seemed to cry louder as Ava scooped her out of the high chair and walked to the door.
Opening it to see Chay standing there with a large cooler near his feet.
“Oh no.”
“Exactly. I’m sorry I’m not ready for our date.”
“No problem,” he said, catching Gracie as she threw herself toward him. He turned his head down to the baby, kissing the top of her head. “What’s the matter, little one?”
“I think she’s teething,” Ava answered, picking up his cooler as he walked into her house.
She followed him into the kitchen, slightly reassured to see that Gracie was still crying, even for the baby whisperer.
“What are you supposed to do?”
“I’ve put some topical numbing stuff on her gums, but it’s not working. My mom can’t remember what worked for me and Ryan. Do you think your grandmother has any ideas? If not I’m going to call the pediatrician.”
Chay handed Gracie back to Ava, and the little girl burrowed her head into Ava’s neck, holding tightly onto Ava’s hair with one of her little hands. “Let me ask.”
Ava made a few circuits around the living room as Chay called his grandmother. She heard him talking but couldn’t really hear what was being said over Gracie’s crying. But it seemed she was wearing herself out. As Ava turned to make her fourth trip around the room, Gracie let out a big sigh and quieted down.
She glanced at Chay. His eyes were wide and he cupped his hand over his mouth to whisper to his grandmother. Neither of them wanting to do anything that might startle her awake again.
Ava made another loop around the room as Chay came over to her. “Want to try laying her down?” he whispered.
