“I’m not familiar with her. But I’m pretty sure you don’t mean the Marvel superhero.”
Grandmother laughed. “No, I don’t. Though she is a superwoman. She is a protector and helper of all humanity. I always start with that motif in a weaving because that’s one we can all use.”
“This diamond pattern is so pretty. Does it have meaning, too?”
“It represents the mountains. The Four Sacred Mountains formed the boundaries of the Navajo and provide essentials to The People.” Chay listened to his grandmother sharing the supernatural power that each of the four mountains held.
The Four Sacred Mountains were Sisnaajiní in the East, Dibé Nitsaa in the North, Dook’o’ooslííd in the West and lastly Tsoodzil in the south. They formed the ancient boundaries of his people. Chay hadn’t grown up on the Navajo Nation until he’d been dumped there by his mom, so he didn’t always feel the strong spiritual connection to all things, but the mountains spoke to him.
Maybe because, like him, they’d been used. They looked strong on the outside, but they were littered with mines and erosion underneath. God, there was a metaphor. There were good, strong parts of his emotional being thanks to his grandmother, but those early years traveling around with hismother, never sure if he was staying in a town or a school, had left their mark.
Ava had been right to point out that he did keep everyone at arm’s length. It was just easier when you never knew what was coming next.
Though he’d been here for the last five years. And if you counted his time with his grandmother, then he’d been on the Navajo Nation for the longest. This was the place he felt safest.
Might seem silly for a man as big and strong as he was admit, but Chay didn’t lie to himself. It didn’t lessen him or his masculinity to admit that he had fears. They weren’t easy to dismiss. At the end of the day, everyone needed someone to love and feel like they were loved in return.
And Ava hadn’t been asking him for that. Not really. She’d just wanted to ensure she wasn’t getting into a relationship with someone who couldn’t emote or admit they had feelings. He got that. His mom… Today was just stirring it all up.
The way she’d look at him, almost as if she resented him, at times, then other times hug him so tightly he couldn’t breathe and tell him he was the only good thing she’d done with her life.
He made sure the heat under the pot was low enough to create a simmer and then walked toward the foyer. “Watch the soup.”
He didn’t say anything else or even wait for a confirmation, just put on his coat and went outside. He walked until he was in the tree line, throwing his head back and looking up into the winter sky. All gray and thick with clouds. Snow still falling but not heavily.
The flakes fell on his face, making his cheeks wet. He felt the warmth and knew there were tears mixed in with them as well.
He felt a hand on his back and looked down to see Ava standing there. She had her coat on and concern written all overher face. He rubbed both hands over his face and looked down at her.
“What?”
“You looked like you needed a friend,” she said.
God, when hadn’t he? Butch had said something similar to him when he’d taken him on as a partner. “Yeah, you, too. All you do is work and volunteer.”
Turning it back on her was deflection, but it was also the truth. They were similar but also so very different.
“So true. It makes me…I was going to say feel like I have someone. Which is silly, because I have my parents and brother and cousins. But I haven’t had a one-to-one connection in a long time.”
“Me, either,” he said. But he knew that he had that connection with Grandmother. She was solid and strong. She gave him space when he needed it and pushed her way in when she decided he’d had enough. Probably why she’d shown up here today.
“Not you. You and your grandmother are close. I can see it. I had that with my aunt Kate.”
“What happened?”
“Cancer. She died almost three years ago. I still miss her. I guess it’s different with a grandmother or aunt than with parents. They just love you.”
“Yeah,” he said. His mom… Anyone was going to be more stable. He often wondered if she’d loved him at all. He was sure she did—she’d told him that one time before she left him here that she did. And his mom wasn’t one to sugarcoat things so he’d believed her. “We should get back inside.”
She slipped her hand in his. “I like your grandmother.”
“I have a feeling she likes you, too,” Chay said.
“Why’d you say it like that?”
“I don’t need two bossy women in my life,” he said, unable to keep the smile from his face. Just having her hand in his made him feel lighter.
“Oh, you definitely do,” Ava said.
