I wipe my face, then put Queenie down and get to my feet. “Come on,” I tell her, reattaching her lead. “Let’s go and find Beth.”
After locking the door behind me, I go out of the grounds and close the gate, then start walking up the road toward the Ark. A few minutes later, I begin jogging, and Queenie trots excitedly by my side.
We enter the grounds and pass in front of the Ark, which is mostly in darkness except for lights in the windows of Ward Seven and the Forever Home. To my surprise, someone is sitting out the front of the Ark on the bench. It’s Jude, smoking a cigarette, shrouded in shadows.
I slow as I close the distance, and he watches us walk up to him.
He draws on the cigarette, then blows out the smoke as he points to his right. “She went that way.”
I stop in front of him, though. Queenie goes up to him and puts her paws on his knees, and he ruffles her hair. “Hello baby,” he says.
“You okay?” I ask, looking pointedly at the cigarette.
He gives me a wry look. “Don’t you start.” He has one more puff, then drops the cigarette and stamps it out.
“You’ve seen Beth, obviously.”
“Yeah, about half an hour and two cigarettes ago.” He meets my eyes. “I understand congratulations are in order.”
“She told you?”
He exhales, a long, silent sigh. “Yeah,” he says eventually. “She was pretty upset. She thinks you don’t want it.”
I run a hand through my hair. “I didn’t react well when she told me.”
“I told her to give you some time, and you’d come around.”
I nod, glancing along the path that bends around the Ark, then look back at him. The last time he had a cigarette was when Chrissie left. I was convinced he was depressed then, although he would never have admitted it. Is that why he’s smoking now?
“Have you heard from her again?” I ask. “Chrissie, I mean.”
“What do you care?”
That makes me bristle. “I care because you’re my best friend, and I’m not going to take all the blame for the end of your relationship with Beth. You ruined it because you still have feelings for Chrissie. Was it all for nothing?”
He watches Queenie sniffing the grass around the bench for a bit. Then he says, “She’s visiting New Zealand at the end of the year.”
My eyebrows rise. “Shit, really?”
“Yeah. She’s coming back to see her family.”
“Does she want to see you?”
“She said she’ll come up here to see Becca.” That’s his sister, and Chrissie’s friend. “But she’s going back to Australia afterwards. Nothing’s changed. So what’s the point?”
“Maybe closure?” I say softly. “And you never know what might happen.”
He gets to his feet and slides his hands into his pockets, hunching his shoulders. “I’m going to check on the dogs.”
“’Night, Jude.”
He walks off, going into the barn, and the door closes behind him.
My heart aches for him. He’s deeply miserable, and although I played a part in that, I know most of it has nothing to do with me, or even with Beth. He’s unhappy with himself, and that’s not something either of us can do anything about.
“Come on,” I murmur to Queenie as I feel a few spots of rain on my face. We take the path towards the cottage, but as I round the trees and see the little house in front of me, I’m surprised it’s in darkness. Beth’s bike isn’t out the front, either.
We walk right up to the door and I peer in, but there’s no sign of her. Just in case she’s gone to bed already, I knock on the door, but there’s no answer. She’s not here.
