“She wasn’t happy about it?”
“I think we were both just numb. We’re not even dating properly, not really.”
“What do you mean?”
I tell her about Jude, and how Beth and I slept together the night they broke up.
“They were on a break?” she asks, lips quirking up.
“Don’t start.”
“Sorry. It sounds as if they were over, though.”
“Yeah.”
“I mean, it’s awkward, I get that. But you like her, right? I don’t quite see the problem.”
I slide her cup over to her and frown. “We’re supposed to be grownups, not teenagers. When you get to our age you’re supposed to act responsibly, not knock girls up every which way.”
“You’ve knocked other girls up?”
“No…”
“Accidents happen, bro. I know that better than anyone.”
“Yeah, but you were nineteen when you fell pregnant.”
“Archer, you sound as if you’re fifty, not thirty. Honestly, it happens.” She frowns. “You told me you really like her.”
“I do. I love her.”
“So… I’m guessing you’ve told her that? And you said you were thrilled, and proposed on the spot? What happened, did she say no?”
I blink.
“Archer… Whatdidyou say?” she demands.
“I apologized for being irresponsible, said I’d be happy to pay for private care, and that I’d support her whatever she decides to do aboutit.” Even as the words leave my mouth, I realize how cold and heartless I sound.Fuuuuuuck. I am such an idiot.
Kath looks down as Queenie puts her front paws on her knee, and she bends and lifts her up into her arms. She kisses her head and fusses her for a moment. Then she looks over at me. “This is about Dad, isn’t it?”
“What?”
She gets up and wanders over to the window, looking out at the garden, holding Queenie and rocking her like a baby. The Spoodle leans against her uncomplainingly, content to be adored.
Confused, I just watch them, thinking about Kath’s words. What does this have to do with Dad?
I’m guessing you’ve told her that? And you said you were thrilled, and proposed on the spot?My heart bangs against my ribs, and I get a heavy feeling inside. I think I’ve fucked up on more than one level.
Eventually, Kath puts Queenie down, turns, and comes back to the kitchen. She sips her coffee. Then she says, “Mum once told me that Dad was the most amazing guy she’d ever met. I mean, your partner should always say that about you, but I could see she really meant it, and I understood why. He was smart, and generous, and he held everyone to the highest standards, including himself.” She looks me in the eye. “But he wasn’t perfect.”
My heart continues to bang. “What do you mean?”
“I know you’ve always placed him on a pedestal, and I’ve never said anything, because I knew you adored him, and, well… Mum asked me not to.”
My head spins. “Not to what?”
“Tell you.”
