“That would be great, I’d love to. Maybe around one p.m., during my lunch break?”
“All right. See you tomorrow, then?”
“Yeah, see you. Bye.”
She ends the call.
I toss the phone onto the sofa and eat my sandwich. We work well together, but we’re not confidantes, and she wouldn’t tell me everything about her relationship. I can tell she’s hurting, though.
My gaze drifts out of the window, across to the Pacific. I know we’re not alone in having difficult relationships. I deal with issues like ours every day in my work. Communication and respect are surprisingly difficult things to hang on to, and I repeatedly talk to clients who aren’t able to make themselves heard in their relationships.
I think of Beth, and wonder how she’s doing, and how long it’ll take her to figure things out. Will Jude push her to talk? Will he want to try again, and if he does, will she agree? I have no way of knowing.
I hate feeling so impotent, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t force her to date me. And even though I’m sure I could stir things up by encouraging Jude that their breakup was a good idea, there’s no way I’d ever do something like that because I’d feel like a heel for the rest of time.
No, if Beth wants me, she needs to make an informed choice. And I just have to wait and try to concentrate on other things until she does.
Even though my body burns for her, and I’m sure it’ll continue to do so, for some time.
Chapter Eleven
Beth
“Why don’t you take the day off?”
I frown at Kim as I have a spoonful of Cornflakes. “I’m not sick.”
“Not physically.” She gives me a gentle look. “Emotionally, yes I think you are, and I think you need more time to rest. I’m working from home today, so we can spend some time together, too.”
I stir the Cornflakes around in the milk. Yesterday, after the text conversation with Archer, any remaining energy I had completely dissipated. I lay listlessly on the sofa for the rest of the day, dozing off several times, half listening to Simon mowing the lawn in the distance, and Kim working out, strains of music filtering through the closed door.
She’s right; I do feel emotionally sick. Inside, I’m a constant whirl of emotions, going from relief to guilt to pleasure to sadness and all the way back to relief again. I do need time. Time to process what’s happened, and to decide what I’m going to do next.
So in the end I agree. I call Stefan and tell him I won’t be in and apologize, but he’s fine about it; I can’t remember the last time I had a sick day, and he has several other vet nurses he can call on to cover.
In the morning, while Kim works in her office, I have a long bath, hoping the hot water will soak away the aches and pains I seem to have developed after a night of tossing and turning. Then, after pulling on a pair of comfy jeans and an oversized tee, I join Kim in making some sandwiches, which we take onto the deck and eat under the shade of an umbrella, enjoying the warm summer day.
Simon is a high-school teacher, and he’s gone to work. Kim is much more relaxed without him around, which makes me unutterably sad. I feel that I should ask her if she’s thought about what she’s going to do,but it’s a beautiful day, and right now I’m not sure I can face the answer.
Instead, we talk about this and that—our parents, our jobs. I’ve just finished my sandwich when there’s a knock on the door.
Kim frowns. “Postman?”
“He’s already been, remember?”
We both get up and go into the kitchen, and then I see the car on the drive outside.
“Fuck, it’s Jude.”
“You want to run in the bedroom?” she asks. “I’ll tell him you’re asleep or something.”
I hesitate, tempted, but then lift my chin. “No, I can’t ignore him forever. Let him in. Don’t leave us alone, though.”
“Okay.” She goes over to the front door.
Trembling a little, I fill the kettle to give my hands something to do, and I’m just switching it on when I hear footsteps behind me, and I turn to see Jude walking into the kitchen.
I lean against the counter, and he slides his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He’s wearing a black polo shirt that goes well with his dark hair. Unusually, he hasn’t shaved, and he has a day’s worth of stubble that makes him look incredibly handsome and a little dangerous. He still makes my heart race.
