“I’m so impressed by all you’ve done. Here I am at thirty, and I’ve done… well, nothing remarkable. I started college but didn’t finish. I thought for sure I wanted to work in human resources, and now I’m not even sure about that. So, own that you’re a novelist, boss lady.”
Laughter rolls out of Georgie and Lizzie. When they settle, they both sport huge smiles.
“Before all of this, I worked in the back office of a small company in Meadow Creek. It took me a while to find myself. So, don’t be so hard on yourself. When the right thing presents itself, you’ll know.” Georgie’s smile is encouraging, and she’s relaxed, her eyes soft. She looks like she’s at peace talking about this.
“Thanks. There may be hope for me yet,” I tease. “Maybe I’ll have to get one of your books.”
“As long as you’re not easily embarrassed, you’ll be able to look her in the face again,” Lizzie laughs. When I first got here, I thought she was shy, but she’s definitely opening up the longer we’re all here.
“There’s just steam in it. It’s nothing too wild,” Georgie says.
Tillie has come and sat near us for the last few minutes of our conversation and chimes in, “Delaney, I have all of Georgie’s books, so if you want to borrow a couple, just remind me, and I’ll get them to you before you leave tonight.”
“Okay, that sounds great.”
Over the next hour, we eat, indulge in conversation, and I find myself more relaxed than I have been in a long time. Well, I mean, excluding when I had sex with Harrison, because I was pretty damn relaxed after that. But everyday stuff—this is nice.
The reminder of sex with Harrison takes me back to our conversation earlier today. I get butterflies in my lower belly remembering it…
Standing here wrapped in Harrison’s arms, with my head on his chest and the sun warming the exposed side of my face, I’m feeling so much. Yes, the anxiety and embarrassment over him getting me tires is still there, but those things aren’t more powerful than the emotions this hug evokes. I feel sentiments I haven’t felt in so long that they’re foreign to me: protected, peaceful, cared for, safe, supported. He’s like a human weighted blanket.
I know I care about him—a lot. Fear about what that means tries to wiggle its way into my thoughts. I could let myself dwell on all the ‘what ifs,’ but I don’t want to. Not right now. I push the thoughts away and focus on the good stuff.
When he pulls back, and I peer up at him, a defeated sigh escapes him. My heart races in anticipation of what that sigh means.
“Bets, it pains me to say this, but we can’t have sex anymore.”
What? That’s unexpected. And there’s no question, sex with us is phenomenal. He even called it ‘mind-blowing’ earlier. He told me last night he wanted to see if we could be more, then today he said that he cares about me. So, I’m not sure where this is coming from.
He breaks through my downward-spiraling thoughts with a tender kiss on my temple.
“Do you want to give this relationship a real go?” His voice is rough, and his eyes narrow a smidge, causing him to look uncertain. “Because I do.”
I bite my lower lip, a nervous habit, and swallow past the thickness in my throat. His large hands rest on my upper arms, and they move up and down over my skin in calming caresses. I release my lip. Oh, my God… I do.
“Yes.” The word comes out just above a whisper. “But I’m kind of afraid. My life is complicated, and what if it doesn’t work and everything changes?”
“I want to take time to talk about all your feelings, and we’ll take that at your pace. But let’s not allow that to hold us back right now. Okay?”
I look into his eyes for a few seconds, and then I nod.
“But why don’t you want to have sex with me anymore?” I whisper. I turn my gaze downward, unable to look him in the eye.
He tilts my head up with his thumb under my chin until my gaze meets his.
“It’s not a matter of want. I want you all the time. Not an exaggeration,” he pauses, and his gaze intensifies for a fewseconds, then he strokes my cheek with the back of his hand. “You drive me fucking crazy with desire every time I look at you. But that’s the problem. I don’t just crave the physical; I want it all. I want to know your mind, your emotions, your heart.”
“Oh,” My heart pounds against my chest.
“Yeah, oh. So, the only way I can think of to focus on all the rest with the attention it deserves is to take sex off the table for a while. But make no mistake, I will curse myself every day for this.” His lips curve into a sexy smile, and I nearly melt right there.
“Can I ask two questions?” He nods. “Is kissing allowed? Because I think it should be.”
“Yes, I think we can manage that.” His grin brightens his face, and it looks great on him.
“Okay,” I pause and look down at my watch, then back to him with the poutiest smile I can muster. “What time does the no-sex rule take effect?”
“I hear you’re taming our suit stud, huh?” Ruthie’s words pull me from my daydream, just as I was getting to the good part.
