I chuckle and glance over at Mom, noting that her interest in the videos has come to its end. Despite this, I’m thrilled she had even a few moments of engagement—even if only a limited amount—in something she enjoyed in the past. I move the tablet out of her reach and take her hand in mine to hold. I observe her eyes as they roam the room, then she settles, looking in Albert’s direction, and stares off, her expression flat and her minuscule smile gone.
“Every Sunday evening, Mom and I would sit and watch an hour or two of recorded episodes of the shows with dance moms on them. Some of them made us laugh, and some made us cringe. But it was this thing we did together, and while I don’t remember specifics about the episodes, I remember how much I loved those evenings. Popcorn and snuggling under a blanket with Mom were the best times.”
I glance over at my mom, and suddenly I’m flooded with emotion as I think about those days. A quick look over at Dana,who is now holding Albert’s hand, reveals a woman looking at me with compassion and understanding. The hint of a frown replaces her prior smile, but it’s the softness in her eyes and the glistening that speak to me.
“It’s wonderful that you have those memories, Delaney. Those kinds of memories,” she glances over at Albert for a second, her thumb rubbing his hand, then turns her attention back to me, “Those are the ones that get you through. Those are the things that dementia can’t take from us.”
“That’s true. I try to write as many memories as possible down when they come to me. Sometimes I put them in the notes on my phone. I’m… I’m afraid I’m going to forget them, too.”
Dana shakes her head at me, and the soft smile on her face is comforting. “You won’t, darling, I promise. If anything, you’ll probably remember them better than most people recall memories from their youth. You’ve had them front and center in your mind for a while now, solidifying their place there. You’ll never forget them or how they made you feel.”
I look at Mom, and I reach up and brush a chunk of loose hair off her face and behind her ear. Shehatedhaving her hair in her face. Then, I turn my attention to Dana.
“She’s a great mom. She gave me a lot of wonderful times to recall. If I ever have kids, I hope I’m just like her.”
“Well, I’ve got to say, from what I’ve seen, she’s also got an amazing daughter. I’m here every day, not having a lot of other things requiring my time. A lot of the residents here don’t get visitors, or they get them infrequently. But you’re here all the time, spending precious moments with your mom.”
I glance down at the table, and a sarcastic chuckle escapes me. “I don’t think I’m here enough, and I feel terrible about that.” I look up, but I don’t make eye contact with anyone at the table. “I-I promised Mom I would keep her home, and I let her down when I couldn’t do it. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough.”
“Young lady, you are here plenty. First of all, did your mother ask you to make that promise, or did you decide it?”
“She never asked me to keep her home. But I wanted to be able to do that for her. Let her live out her life in her own home.”
“I imagine you’re working,” I nod. “And I don’t know if you have a sweetheart.” She glances over at Albert and smiles, and out of the corner of my eye I catch when she squeezes his hand, then turns her attention back to me. “But I often wonder if you’re taking enough time for yourself—to live your life to the fullest—because you spend so much time here.”
“I am busy, but I do love being here with Mom, and you’re right, I don’t have a lot of extra time. The other, I’m… I’m actually not sure if I have a sweetheart. There’s a maybe. I mean, it’s a probably. Okay, a definitely, but we haven’t given it a name.”
Dana's smile grows. “Oh, Delaney, that’s wonderful.”
“Well, I’m not really sure if it's going to last, but it feels like it is. I’m trying not to read too much into it. I also can’t let it interfere too much with everything else I have going on.”
“Well, I would just say not to let yourself make excuses as to why it can't work. Take it day by day, and if you enjoy spending time with him, then it’s worth it.”
Chapter Forty-One
Delaney
Iglance around the main living space of Lester’s efficiency unit. It’s definitely more space than I had at the trailer, and there’s already a couch and a small table. The sofa folds out into a bed, which is a plus.
“Sorry the couch is so old. I’ve been meaning to get a new one, but I haven’t gotten around to it. From what Tillie tells me, the mattress on that one has seen better days.” There’s a fatherly tone in his words.
“It’s a great place, and your property is gorgeous. And don’t worry, I can sleep just about anywhere.”
I glance over at Harrison, who has been uncharacteristically quiet. He’s leaning against a wall with his hands in the pockets of his shorts, his head flexed forward while he stares at the ground.
“Harrison?” He lifts his gaze to look at me. “What do you think? It’s pretty nice, right?”
A tight smile forms on his face, and his eyes dart around the room.
“Yeah, it’s nice, but… never mind.”
“No, not ‘never mind.’ Tell me what you were going to say.”
“Uh, how about I give you two a minute?” Lester asks. I glance at him, and he’s already at the door.
“No, Lester. Please stay.” I don’t want this to become a big deal, and if he stays, we can move on after Harrison finishes giving his opinion. Lester releases the door handle and walks the few steps to the kitchen area, where he leans against the counter and studies it like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.
I turn my attention back to Harrison and wait for him to answer the question. He already knows that I can handle silence longer than he can.
