I would have preferred it to be more like a family dinner.
At my own house, welcoming my guests with Gavril, instead of worrying about how badly this could end.
I hated being away from him so much, and the constant guilt about not admitting to my family that we were married was as bad as the anxiety that everything could go to hell. The peace treaty was already so tenuous. If I had blurted something like that out in the library, with Aleks, Rurik, and Daniil all but foaming at the mouth for a reason to shoot him, well, he probably would have gotten shot.
He did force me to marry him, yes. I would have had to try to explain all that before a bullet left the chamber. And honestly, I still wasn’t fully reconciled to those harried, fearful moments with the priest and his assistant. It certainly wasn’t any little girl’s idea of a dream wedding. Proposal? Never heard of it.
So that definitely wouldn’t have gone over well. Masha would have been a complete hypocrite to say a word against us,but she’d try, and be the loudest of anyone since she only wanted me to be happy.
I was happy with Gavril, so this time apart was tearing me to pieces.
This was the only way I could think of where everything would work out. We could make it look like we slowly fell in love. He’d have to ask me out on dates, and I relished the idea of all the romantic and fun places we could go. Those daydreams were affecting my work, too, but they were so much nicer than anything on the screen.
That was a first—me, longing for real life instead of a book.
I’d just have to cut back my hours so I could get out there and experience things in the city I’d lived in for more than a year, and yet barely left my cousin’s house. It had never seemed exciting to me before, but with Gavril at my side, I couldn’t wait.
But could he? He was so forceful and impatient, and he had surely been brooding up a storm this past week. There was no way I could get hold of him to reassure him, under the watchful and overly protective eyes of Aleks and my other cousins.
Masha had been staying at the house, too, ignoring Anatoli’s annoyance. Surprisingly, or maybe not, considering how those two got together, he was the only person who was on my side. My sister had never been a romantic despite her deep and abiding love for her husband, and she dismissed all my arguments, certain I’d recover from my brainwashing in time.
Infuriating, but typical. None of them knew how much I had changed during my time with Gavril, or how strong I had become. So I had to follow my own advice and take things slowly.
Everyone arrived a half an hour before the time they told Gavril to be there, which further irritated me. I was already so on edge that when they told me there was no need for me to be in the pre-dinner meeting with them, I exploded.
“If you’re going to be talking about me—which I know you’ve already been doing behind my back—then, yes, I do need to be here,” I said, loud and firm, my hands planted on my hips.
Masha’s jaw dropped, but she couldn’t hide a flash of pride. Hadn’t she been telling me to be more assertive since we were kids? Rurik laughed, ruffling my hair.
“Who says we’re talking about you? Or Bocharov, for that matter?” He shot me a very brief glance that had me thinking he might be coming around. After all, he owed every breath he’d drawn since the ambush in Miami to Gavril.
They let me join them for drinks, but the conversation was forced and stilted, everyone scrambling to come up with new topics since I robbed them of the chance for any plotting. Was it going to be like this for the rest of my life?
Maybe. Would it be worth it to still be with Gavril?
Yes. Absolutely yes. I missed him like crazy, and the minutes leading up to finally seeing him again seemed to start moving backwards. When the doorbell rang through the halls, I jumped, ignoring Aleks’s command to let the butler answer it. No way.
I skidded to a halt at the front door, all but elbowing the butler out of the way. He gave me an aggrieved look but stepped aside so I could swing open the heavy door. Despite the thud of many footsteps behind me—damn caring family—I only had eyes for Gavril.
He was dressed in a suit I didn’t recognize, a dark charcoal gray that molded to his broad shoulders. An emerald green tie with faint yellow stripes brought out the brilliant color of his eyes. He was freshly shaven, and I missed that bit of scruff he often had at his jawline, already missing the feel of it rasping against my skin if—when—I found a chance to kiss him. But it would grow back.
It was endearing that he had dressed up and taken so much care with his appearance, and I let my eyes roam over him twice, my hands yearning to reach out and smooth their way down his chest, and yes, start popping the buttons on that snowy white shirt.
I realized he was doing the same to me and was glad I had chosen one of the new dresses my cousin Mila had coerced me into buying when she dragged me out on a shopping expedition that was really a poorly disguised deprogramming session.
Couldn’t they see that there was no power on earth that could make me stop loving this man? Being so close to him again, my chest filled with that heady feeling only he could elicit. When our gazes met, for the briefest of moments, it was only us in the big entrance hall.
Then the horde moved in around us. Rurik reached around me to give him an aggressive handshake while Katie scooted in to take the wine bottle he brought as a gift out of his hand.
“What a nice vintage,” she said robotically, getting shunted aside as Aleks moved in to clap him on the shoulder.
“Come on back. You came for dinner, I expect you’re eager to get started.”
More like they were eager to be rid of him.
My hopes deflated, all the happiness at seeing Gavril again draining away and replaced with the realization that this might never work. Not the way I truly wanted, where everyone was happy in the end. I searched the faces of all my surrounding family members, the people who meant the world to me, and they were all hard and cold underneath the thin layer of welcome they were forcing themselves to exude.
Did I have enough strength to walk away from them?
