Give Lilia up. That was it. That was what they wanted.
It just wasn’t going to happen.
Chapter 23 - Lilia
We strolled past the gates of Gavril’s compound and started down the hill on the deserted sidewalk. I had never been more nervous in my life, not even when I had to do a ballet solo on stage when I was seven. This was almost worse than being on display at the auction, and my hand kept fidgeting toward my pocket where the knife lay hidden.
Glancing down for the third time, I made sure it wasn’t poking out or making a suspicious shape.
The guard pointed out the wall, far off the road, that marked the end of Gavril’s property. “I don’t know why you don’t just take advantage of the grounds,” he said. I had learned his name, but tried to pretend I didn’t, so he wouldn’t seem like a person to me.
He’s like the heavy bag in the gym, I told myself. Just there to take a hit. The knife was only there in case he wouldn't accept a bribe. I didn’t have to use it unless he made me.
“Change of scenery,” I answered in a clipped tone.
He rambled on beside me, and every second that passed, it got harder for me to reach for the knife.
This wasn’t like me. I didn’t stab people. I didn’t even hit them. I barely raised my voice.
But being myself had only ever gotten me kidnapped, sold, and forced into marriage to a man I didn’t dare spend much more time with. It was time to break free and be bold.
I had been answering his polite questions by rote, hardly paying attention to a word he said, but he was definitely a chatty one. I paused to check out a clump of wildflowers in one of the big, open spaces between houses way out here. So close to thecity I could see the buildings standing out against the skyline, but still a world away.
He leaned down to tell me the name of one of the flowers. Great, he liked nature.
I took a deep breath and straightened up, smiling at him. “You have to know who I am, right?”
He kept walking. “Of course,” he replied, a little less friendly now. “I would never tell anyone who doesn’t, though.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about that.” I forced a laugh that didn’t sound too false to my ears.
“You should be,” he said, but not in a menacing way. Like he might actually believe the nonsense Gavril had told me about keeping me hidden away for my own safety.
“If Gavril has to keep me a secret from his own people, what does that say about them?” I asked.
“The boss has it all under control.”
No, he wasn’t so friendly anymore, but I had to keep pressing on or face Plan B. “It all seems so disorganized. Now, my family would never keep secrets from each other.”
“The Collective is the same.”
“Is it?” I smiled to show him I wasn’t trying to antagonize him, but rather offer him a better way of life. “It seems stressful to me, never knowing who you can trust. If you’re loyal to my family, you never have anything to fear. In fact, people who are loyal to my family are greatly rewarded.”
Oh my God, how much more obvious could I get than that? He kept walking at my side, staring straight ahead. His easy smile was gone, replaced with a furrowed brow. Maybe he was thinking about it.
“Anyone who does a favor or helps them out is also rewarded,” I said.
He stopped in his tracks and turned around. “Time to go back to the house,” he said coldly.
I didn’t budge, but my hand refused to reach for the knife. “They’ll find me. Anyone involved with keeping me locked up will be nothing but red mist by the time they’re done.”
“Keep walking,” he said, throwing a glare over his shoulder as he stopped. I started to trudge along until we were once again side by side.
Was I secretly relieved to have to go back? Why wasn’t I pulling out the knife? If ever there was a time to enact Plan B, it was now, before we got too close to Gavril’s property. I couldn’t be happy about going back. That wasn’t possible.
There was some sick part of me that not only wanted to get back, but to hurry. No, not possible, and not happening. Unless I was willing to admit my burgeoning feelings for Gavril, feelings that churned my stomach with guilt and self-loathing, I had to act.
Now.
