How was this possible? Only a few minutes ago, I was floating on air, brought to the highest heights imaginable. How could Gavril squash those heady feelings so quickly and so thoroughly? And then run off like he didn’t just insult one of the things I was most proud of.
My work wasn’t important? I didn’t need a job? I was damn good at it, and it was because of him that the publishing company would believe I had ghosted them when my current deadline passed in another week. The thing that stung the most was that when he asked me to choose what I wanted to do, I honestly had no intention of using the computer to do anything other than get caught up on work.
It was probably dumb, but bathed in the afterglow of those thrilling sensations he gave me, I never once thought about getting a message out to my family. But his mind was quick to race there. How could he think the worst of me and be so full of distrust after I had just been writhing around underneath him.
Oh no, I wasn’t about to get distracted thinking about that, even though I could still feel phantom trails of his hands wherever they roamed. My whole body tingled, and I was still a little bit stuck up in the cosmos.
But he wasn’t. No, he went from offering me whatever I wanted to laughing and shutting down my only request. There was no way I was more upset about that than the prospect of losing my job and gaining a bad reputation in a competitive field. Standing alone in the gym after he laid down the law like a tyrant, I stamped my foot in frustration.
It seemed like I was supposed to sit around and wait on his every whim and be a pampered princess stuck in a tower for the rest of my days.
Or at least until my family found out where I was and razed this mansion to the ground in a rescue mission. If there was one thing I was certain of, it was the fact that they were tearing up Los Angeles trying to find me. My words weren’t an idle threat based on misplaced pride. It was only a matter of time. And even that didn’t chase away the bitter anger about Gavril putting me back in my place and leaving without a word.
I stomped to the library and grabbed the first book I laid eyes on, then threw myself into one of the squashy leather chairs under a sunny window. But my mind refused to settle, and the words ran together on the pages. For the first time in my life, I couldn’t lose myself in a book. Real life wouldn’t be pushed aside anymore.
It was time to face it. The feelings for Gavril that I had let grow were misplaced. I could have come up with a dozen reasons why I let him get close to me, why I could have such a good time with him, why I let myself go when he touched me, and still yearned for more. I had read enough psychology books to give myself excuse after excuse for why I was acting so out of character.
But there were no excuses when you were a Petrov. The bottom line was that I was starting to have feelings for an enemy. One who’d bought me and kept me locked up without access to the outside world. An enemy who was handsome as hell, could be charming, went out of his way to make me laugh, and sat through hours of movies he clearly hated because I chose them.
So what? He was still an enemy. I had forgotten, had blissfully given my body to him and loved every second of it, andyes, was still wanting more. But there couldn’t be more. No one would ever say my loyalty had ever wavered.
My sanity, maybe. My good sense, definitely. But never my loyalty.
I slammed the book down and instantly felt bad for denting the edge of the antique spine.
Outside the window, the grounds rolled into the distance, green and fresh under the bright blue sky. It was a perfect day, barely a cloud in the sky, next to no smog, the leaves on the eucalyptus trees fluttering in a gentle breeze. Through the glass, I could hear birds chittering and cawing, and moving closer to the window, I looked out to see several popping around an ornate plaster bird feeder within a circular flower bed.
Two of them clashed and flapped their wings, flying off in different directions. Free.
My nose hit the glass, fogging it up with desperate breath. I wanted out. Needed a long, brisk walk to clear my head. It didn’t matter how big and sumptuous this place was. At the moment, it felt like the walls were closing in.
The first guard I found was pacing down his route in the front hall, and I called to him before he could duck out of sight. “I want to take a walk,” I said, pulling myself up to my full height, which barely reached his chin. I gave him a look that dared him to defy me, his boss’s wife. “Even if it’s just around the neighborhood, I won’t stay here another minute.”
“You’re going to have to give me at least a minute,” he said.
“Fine. One minute.”
No amount of cajoling me to stroll around the grounds would cut it. I wanted out in the world, even if it was just aroundthe neighborhood. It was clear they were avoiding calling Gavril, but I wouldn’t budge. The longer it took, the angrier I got, thinking of those birds just lifting off and disappearing, going wherever they wanted to go.
No arguments, no permission. If true freedom was off the table for me for the rest of my life, that was going to be a problem. I was a homebody and loved being in my cozy room, but it was always my choice, and even though I rarely left, I could. I had taken freedom for granted, and now it was only a memory.
I tapped my foot, glaring at the guard, who wasn’t much older than me and seemed like he genuinely wanted to be able to let me go outside. He finally caved and made a quick call to Gavril, having to hold the phone away from his face when he got yelled at for bothering him.
“I’m guessing it’s okay?” I said when he put the phone back in his pocket and rubbed his ear. “Thanks for putting up with that,” I added, deciding to get him on my good side.
“Oh, it’s part of the job. Give me two minutes, and I’ll meet you back here.” He smiled good-naturedly, a real feat for most of Gavril’s guards, and I realized I might have hit the jackpot.
While he went to report to his superior about taking the wife out for a walk, I hurried to the kitchen for bottles of water and a few cookies. This guy seemed friendly enough; maybe he could be bought.
If not, I tucked a steak knife in my jacket pocket as a backup plan.
Chapter 22 - Gavril
At the apartment, Benedikt had gathered the men I felt I could count on. Most had traveled with me when I was first offered the position, and despite the constant tug-of-war with the original LA men, they had settled in and were doing well for themselves. They were invested and would back me in a takeover before packing up and going home.
I had a few more top men getting ready to come over, and we were currently trying to recruit more, including from the pool of people I used to work with in Italy. The key was raising my numbers without sacrificing loyalty and commitment.
That was going to be Luigi’s downfall, dragging in anyone off the street who wasn’t afraid to aim a gun at someone. Eventually, those kinds of people would turn the gun on him, and that was something else we discussed.
