Anna shifted to sit straighter, and when she spoke it was a small, quaking sound. “I’m as well as I’m able, miss.”
I watched her, the sad slump of her shoulders in the dark, the weight of countless things I had never cared to know. How had I treated such an innocent, weak girl with so much spite? Itseemed incomprehensible to me at this moment. I needed to fix it. I couldn’t sit here any longer before I did.
“I am sorry for how I have treated you,” I said. “I wish to be kinder than I once was.”
Anna’s face was difficult to read, but I saw no bitterness there. She was still looking at me as if I were a foreign creature, but she nodded. One of her ghostly white hands peeked out from beneath her blanket and she pulled it off of herself. “Please take it back, miss.”
I stopped her. “No. You need it far more than me. See? I have a cloak and gloves. I am warm enough, I assure you.”
She hesitated, but finally wrapped herself up again. I couldn’t see her well in the dark, but after a short few minutes I heard the high whistle of a snore. And then I promised myself that I would never speak an unkind word to her again. Never hurt her, never make her shrink. Returning to Hampshire would change nothing but my place of residence. I wouldn’t be the cruel person I had been before. Never again.
We stopped at an inn that night, and although it was dirty and surely haunted, I had never slept so soundly in my life. I had never been so tired.
The days passed in a blur of colors. Night was black, morning was grey, and afternoon was white. The snow fell lighter the farther we traveled south, and occasionally I’d spot a patch of green out the carriage window. Anna spoke more too. I learned that she hadn’t seen her family in five years. Her father had fallen ill when she was very young, and she was forced to move wherever necessary to find work as a lady’s maid. That was how she had been employed by my family. It was remarkable to me that I had never noticed the sheen of grief that covered her eyes, and the way she carried a broken heart with such poise. I hoped one day I could be like her.
On the last day of the drive I began to sweat. My stomach fluttered. Would I even belong in Hampshire anymore? I recognized the tall trees and the frosted hills and the larger houses. We were only a few short miles away now. My legs were stiff from the cold and the lack of use, so I stretched them.
“Anna,” I whispered. “Anna.”
Her eyelids fluttered open.
“I am sorry to wake you, but we are almost home.” The word ‘home’ tasted like a lie. We were set to arrive at the house of Mama’s cousin, now herbetrothed, Mr. Bentford. My gaze drifted out the window. “It has been so long.”
Her yawn turned into a smile. “It’s only been four months, miss.”
That was nearly impossible to believe. So much had happened.
“But what will Mama think of…my hand?” I had spent one afternoon of the drive telling Anna the story of the entire incident.
She gave a thoughtful look. “‘Tis but a keepsake—from your time away from her. A piece of artwork, that is.” She nodded toward my fingers.
I smiled. I had learned that Anna was not nearly as timid as she appeared. “I worry she will hate it.”
Anna’s face grew solemn but she didn’t answer. Perhaps she thought it to be beyond her bounds to speak her mind in this instance. At any rate, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what she had to say.
The rest of the drive passed in silence, and I had almost drifted to sleep again when I noticed the carriage start to slow. My head bounced against my seat as we rumbled over the uneven drive of Bentford Manor. It was a stately looking house, with crisp corners and pristine windows. I sat up straight.
The carriage came to a halt. I was too full of nerves and excitement to remain still any longer. Without waiting for the footmen, I jumped out of the carriage. My feet stung as I hit the ground. Anna stifled a laugh of disbelief from behind me as the footman intending to assist me stopped, showing an uncharacteristic display of surprise. I smiled as I breathed in the southern air.
When I reached the front door, I saw the flash of an emerald gown and a narrow frame through the window.
Mama.
Before I could reach out for the handle, the door swung open. Mama stood in the entryway, a faltering smile on her lips. A great need for comfort overcame me and I didn’t hesitate, but rushed forward and threw my arms around her. I buried my face in her bony shoulder.
Her arms hung at her sides. She grew stiff with alarm. “Charlotte! Whaton earthare you doing?” Her voice was more shrill than I remembered.
My face burned with embarrassment and I stepped back, nearly tripping over my skirts. Mama wasn’t looking at me. She was running her hand gingerly over her sleeves. “I just had this gown cleaned three days ago. You will soil it.”
“I—I’m sorry.”
Her eyes shot up to mine, piercing green and wide with shock. “What has happened to you?” Her gaze slid over my face, my hair, and she stepped around me like a cat circling an inadequate kill. “You have grown so thin! And your hair so dirty. Your cheeks have no color, none at all!” She gasped. “My poor girl. We shall change that straight away. Mr. Webb intends to meet you in one week. This is your grand opportunity, Charlotte.”
Self-conscious under her gaze, I smoothed my hair away from my forehead. Her eyes sharpened in on my gloves.
“What are those shabby things?”
My heart pounded. “I use them to cover…to cover my hand.” I swallowed. “I did not want you to worry while I was away. I had a—well, I had an accident.”
