I hadn’t, however, considered that it might be locked. I tested the doorknob.
“Blast it,” I muttered under my breath.
I lit the nearest sconce before blowing out my candle in a puff of smoke. I set it down, prying at the doorknob with both hands. Disappointment sank through my stomach for a brief moment, but it vanished when I heard footfalls on the staircase behind me. Exploring the south wing hadn’t been my main objective anyway.
Nervousness increased the rate of my heart as the footsteps grew closer. I recognized the weight of Jonathan’s steps, the rhythm and timing. It had been all I had heard from him for the past ten days in the house, after all.
“Alice. What are you doing?” His tone was weary—but not as frustrated as I would have expected.
My heart raced as I turned around. I hadn’t planned on being so nervous.
Jonathan stood a few feet behind me, dark hair mussed, cravat missing. His jacket was also missing, shirtsleeves rolled to the elbows. I couldn’t help but stare at him for a long moment. I should not have been so shocked at his casual appearance, considering that I had once seen him without a shirt at all. The image of him stepping out of the sea, droplets of water rolling down his face, neck, and chest flashed through my mind. I scolded myself for imagining it.Again.
“I am attempting to enter the south wing,” I said bluntly.
Jonathan’s brows pinched together just like how I had demonstrated to Eliza in the mirror. “Mrs. Linton should have told you the dangers of doing so.”
“She did. But I wanted to anyway.”
His dark eyes took me in slowly, as if I were a puzzle he couldn’t quite solve. I held his gaze without faltering, which I was quite proud of.
“The door is kept locked for a reason,” he said. “I would encourage you to heed Mrs. Linton’s warnings.” He hesitated for a brief moment, still wearing that dreadful scowl. “Goodnight, Alice.” He pivoted toward the staircase.
“No,” I blurted.
He turned to face me again, a look of masked surprise on his features.
I marched forward. “You cannot dismiss me so easily this time. There is more I would like to discuss, if you don’t mind.” My voice wavered between being too angry and too passive.
His eyes were cautious as they met mine. He paused for several seconds, as if still torn over the decision to disappear again. “What would you like to discuss?”
I took a deep breath. “I cannot be expected to have Mrs. Linton and Eliza as my only companions. I do not understand why I cannot be introduced to some of the neighbors. Receiving calls would raise my spirits significantly.”
He paused for a long moment. “Our marriage is still too new. They will pry for information. If any women in the neighborhood call upon you, it will only be to find a fresh piece of gossip.”
“We already missed church last week. I felt quite guilty about that.” I crossed my arms with a scowl.
“In time, we will make more public appearances.”
“Do you promise?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
His lips twitched. “I promise.”
I gave a slow nod. At least I might have something to hope for now. My life might not be so tedious forever. My anger began sliding away from my heart like a melting sheet of ice.
But then Jonathan lowered his head, turning toward the stairs again.
“Where are you going?” The question burst out of my mouth before I could stop it.
“To my study.”
I scowled. “You are always disappearing to some task or responsibility, or to some place where you might avoid me. Have youalwaystaken your meals in your room, or did you only begin doing that when I moved to the house?” My throat tightened. All the emotions I had been suppressing, all my fears and worries came spilling out. It was as if a dam had broken over my heart, and the force behind it was too great to control. “I wish that we didn’t have to be strangers all of the time.”
Heavy silence followed my words. The candlelight caught his features, and I saw a flicker of confusion in his eyes. “This was what you asked for. In very clear terms, I’ll add.” His deep voice grated over my skin. “You said you wanted our lives to remain separate. You requested a room in a different wing. You expressed your desire to be left alone.” His eyes flashed with frustration, but he drew a step closer to me at the same time. “I have been giving you exactly what you wanted.”
I smelled a hint of leather and fresh paper, along with another masculine scent that made my head spin. How could I tell him that my desires had changed? That foggy feeling continued spreading through my head.
WhatdidI want from him?
