He continued waving the green fan. “Then this is a new experience for both of us. I never use a fan.”
“Then why did you buy one at the souvenir shop?” I mumbled.
A flicker of surprise crossed his features, but before he could respond, Mama appeared at my other side, looping both hands around my arm. “Alice, are you unwell?”
I evaluated each of my senses one at a time. I could clearly see Mama’s auburn curls and worried blue eyes. I could hear the voices of all the wedding guests in the churchyard around us, and the church bells as they tolled slowly. I smelled the sea. I felt the sunlight, the breeze from the fan, and I assessed that each of my limbs was in working order. But mostly, I could feelJonathan’s hand on my waist, and even his gaze burning against my cheek. After all that had been said between us, did he truly have the audacity to be a caring husband?
Surely he was only doting on me because we were in public.
“I feel much better now,” I said. Even my voice sounded clearer to my own ears.
Jonathan continued to fan my face, but now that I was aware of my surroundings again, the embarrassment of the situation struck me hard. Besides the guests who had attended the ceremony, there were a number of people who had gathered to see our exit. The gossip of our hasty marriage had spread through the papers that morning—and by word of mouth, to be sure. A pair of ladies beyond the lychgate whispered behind their hands, craning their necks to catch sight of the source of Brighton’s most recent scandal. I deciphered a few occasional mutters from the onlookers.
“She looks quite pale. Poor thing.”
“But she is quite lucky that he made the offer when he did.”
Jonathan’s jaw tensed as he cast his gaze across the tombstones and the strangers who had gathered on the grass around them. “I would rather not linger here.” His voice was low, just loud enough for me to hear.
I didn’t have to voice my agreement. My muslin skirts brushed the grass as I descended the path on his arm. A carriage stood ready, the Croft family crest gleaming on the door.Myfamily crest. I didn’t have time to dwell on how strange that was.
I took Jonathan’s hand as I stepped into the carriage, eager to escape the whispers and prying gazes. He joined me inside in one swift motion, closing the door behind him with a heavy thud. He sank into the seat across from me, leaning his head back. He was nearly too tall to fit under the low roof, his long legs causing his knees to hover just an inch from mine. Several seconds passed before the driver set off down the street.
I waved at my family from the window, feigning a smile until my cheeks ached from the effort. My heart stung, but I knew I would see them again. Hopefully soon.
I watched the church until it disappeared from sight out the back window. The sound of the bells had faded, drowned out by the creaking of the carriage as it moved over the unsteady ground.
With a deep breath, I turned around, settling into the cushions.
Jonathan was still looking out his window. Several seconds passed, and silence consumed the whole of the small space. I searched for something to say—anything,but my mind was blank.I had never been in this situation before. I had been trained in a great deal of subjects in my youth, but never what to say to a man who married me out of obligation.
Perhaps governesses should begin adding that to their lesson plans.
I felt desperate for someone to instruct me, but my governess was not here. Neither was my mother, or any of my family.
For the first time, I was entirely alone with my new husband.
Chapter Fifteen
JONATHAN
Iwas convinced that there was no sharper object in the world than Miss Kellaway’s gaze. I felt it like a tangible thing, driving into the side of my face as I looked out the window.
Except she wasn’t Miss Kellaway any longer.
She was Mrs. Croft now. I couldn’t very well call her that, soAliceit would have to be. I had been determined to ride in silence for a few minutes, but her insistent gaze forced my attention away from the window. She watched me with cautious eyes, fingers twisting together in her lap. The fact that she had nearly fainted after marrying me did not bode well for our future. But she looked well enough now.
Toowell for my liking if I was to avoid her as planned.
She looked beautiful. Terrified, but beautiful.
Her behavior throughout the day had led me to wonder if she had truly meant to ensnare me or not. She seemed just as displeased with marriage as I was. Perhaps even more so. If she had wanted this outcome, then why would she have been so pale and faint in the churchyard? The question continued to vexme. My original assumptions might have been wrong, but I still lacked evidence either way.
How would I ever be able to trust her?
For a long moment, Alice and I simply stared at one another, locked in a stalemate. She didn’t seem inclined to speak first, and neither did I. We had a long journey ahead of us before we arrived at Southcliff Manor, and I hardly knew what would come after that. There would have to besomedegree of communication between us.
And eventually, I would have to find a way to tell her about Margaret.
