She brushed her hands over her skirts with a sigh. “I should hope so. Mama will be disappointed enough about Edmund. If I return without any news at all she will be devastated.”
I studied the flicker of dread on her forehead. Lady Pembury, Charlotte’s mother, had hardly spoken to Charlotte when she passed her first Season without catching a husband. Charlotte had been quite hard on herself…rarely smiling, hardly eating, studying her languages and practicing her pianoforte for hours on end. As her friend, it had been difficult to watch. My mother had never held me to such a painfully high standard, and she would never snub me for failing at something I tried dearly to achieve. A bloom of sympathy spread in my chest. Because my brother had dismissed her, I would do all I could to help her find another match.
I reached up and grabbed Charlotte’s hand. “I would be shocked if your first three dances aren’t claimed within minutes.”
She smiled. “And yours shall be claimed within seconds. We shall be the two finest ladies at the ball.”
A wave of giddiness nearly knocked me over. I took a deep breath. “I really, truly hope Mr. Croft is there.” My voice was a faint whisper. “I don’t think I have ever liked any man so much.” I hadn’t spoken with her about him since the day his sisters came to visit. I usually didn’t have a problem confiding my feelings insuch a dear friend, but speaking of Mr. Croft made my stomach flutter. He felt like a secret.
Charlotte’s eyes flickered away from my face and back again. “I hope he is there too.” She paused, adjusting her gloves with a faint smile. “I should like to dance with him.”
I tried to swallow, but my throat was suddenly dry. “Y-you would?”
Her eyes met mine and she laughed. “Of course. He is handsome, kind, and rich…with agreeable connections. I have every reason to encourage him. I daresay he is my best option in Brighton thus far.”
My brow pinched. I turned quickly toward the mirror again. A sickening feeling spread in my stomach. Had I not been clear enough about my feelings toward him? Charlotte must have seen how intrigued I was upon our first meeting on the beach, and then at the souvenir shop.
“Oh.” I laughed in an attempt to dispel the awkwardness I felt. “I wasn’t aware that you were interested in him.”
“Who wouldn’t be?” Her shrill laugh floated through the air between us. “Thirty thousand pounds is not a small sum. And that is only in addition to his estate’s income.” Her eyes lit up. “I could not hope for much better than that. Well, I suppose it would be ideal if he had a title, but I cannot beexcessivelyparticular.”
My maid slid a pin into my hair, and it scraped hard against my scalp. I winced. All my excitement for the ball seemed to have been sucked out of my chest, leaving it hollow. What could I say? My voice evaded me. I cleared my throat. “I liked him before I knew he was rich.”
Charlotte’s eyes widened. “You like him too?” There was something false in the innocent look she gave me. “I know you found him agreeable, but I didn’t expect you to be interested in pursuing him.”
“Who wouldn’t be?” My voice was weak.
She laughed, brushing a curl from her forehead. “Well, you know how much pressure I am under to find a match. I hope you are willing to support me.” Her innocent eyes blinked in my direction.
I looked down, my stomach in knots. I didn’t want to cause an argument between us, not when we had so many more weeks to spend together in Brighton. A friendship was never worth damaging over something as trivial as a passing fancy for a gentleman. It was likely that Mr. Croft would not have been interested in me anyway, and Charlotte seemed to have set her heart on him. After her disappointment with Edmund, how could I withhold my support?
My face burned as I pretended to adjust my necklace. I tried to speak—to confirm—but the words wouldn’t escape my throat. I was choked with disappointment. For once…why could Charlotte not support me? I felt guilty for even having the thought, but I couldn’t ignore how I felt. For so many years, I had been by Charlotte’s side, befriending her when no one else would. I had done all in my power to encourage my brothers to court her when she had expressed her interest. I had lifted her up with compliments and reassurances. I had always felt rather dim beside her at events, when she shone so beautifully. Her dances were always claimed before mine, but I had tried not to allow it to bother me because she was my friend. I wanted her to shine and succeed. But did she truly want the same for me?
Finally, I found my voice. “Perhaps Mr. Croft won’t take an interest in either one of us. If his sisters are to be believed, he did seem rather difficult to impress. I suppose time will tell.” I didn’t dare meet Charlotte’s gaze. Surely my words wouldn’t vex her too greatly. She had never felt threatened by me when it came to impressing gentlemen. She was a classic beauty, yet a rare one atthe same time. I, with my freckles and copper hair, was not quite as widely admired.
Charlotte was silent for a long moment. “How could he not take an interest in one of the two finest ladies at the ball?” She flashed a smile.
I tried to laugh, but the sound was faint.
She took a deep breath, breaking the silence. “Well. I shall meet you in the drawing room when you are finished with your hair. I cannot wait to see you in your lavender gown.”
My words spilled out before I could stop them. “I-I think I’m going to wear this yellow one. I prefer it.” I hoped I didn’t sound as frustrated as I felt. The edges of my face grew hot.
Charlotte gave a nod, but I sensed her disapproval.
At the moment, I didn’t care.
As soon as she slipped out the door, my posture slackened. Eliza had observed our entire interaction, but she continued soundlessly adjusting my hair. My emotions were a mixture of embarrassment, betrayal, and disappointment.
Perhaps it would be best for me to forget about gentlemen this evening. Charlotte never gave up on what she wanted. Competing with her sounded like a terrible nightmare. I took a deep breath. She could attend the ball with her perfect blue gown and matching eyes, and her intentions to charm Mr. Jonathan Croft out of his wits, and I would attend the ball with my butter-yellow gown and my intentions of dancing to my heart’s content.
That sounded much more delightful anyway. I did not come to Brighton to catch a man, and I certainly didn’t come to Brighton to lose my dearest friend over one.
Mama looked lovely in green. She stood in the drawing room with Charlotte and Edmund when I finally made my way downstairs. I put on a smile, unwilling to feed the awkwardnessthat had taken root between Charlotte and me. I refused to allow Mama and Edmund to notice that anything was amiss.
Because it wasnot.
I had shunned the very nameMr. Croftfrom my mind, replacing it with bright, flickering candles, gold sconces, swishing fabric, and elegant violins. Perhaps I would even be able to spot the sea from the Castle Inn windows.
