I pulled him into another tight hug, partly to console him, and partly to keep my heart in one piece. “You are the best boys in the world. Not to worry. You have behaved well almost the entire time we have been here.” I pulled away, wiping the tears from their cheeks. “I won’t let her hurt you. She will not send you away.”
“Dr. Kellaway said that to us too,” Peter whispered.
My heart stung. Of course Owen had said that.
“When is he coming back?” Charles asked with a sniff.
I had hoped Owen would fade from their lives, and from their hearts, without a proper goodbye. I should have known better. Owen did not simply fade away. He was far too memorable, and far too easy to love.
I tightened my jaw, keeping my voice calm despite the turmoil inside me. “Willowbourne is his home now, just like how the parish will be our new home. Perhaps one day we can visit him.”
I knew it could never be the case, but I would have said anything to console them.
“I love you,” I whispered to each of them in turn.
Their sniffles tore apart my resolve to attend the ball. I wanted to stay and comfort them. This was where I belonged, not among elegant company dancing in a grand estate. But Mrs. Kellaway and the others were waiting for me, and I had made a promise I would attend.
With one final kiss on each of their foreheads, I walked toward the door. Before I reached it, I heard the sound of small feet running up behind me.
“I want to stay,” Charles said. I could hear the tears in his voice. I turned around to see his little outstretched hand, holding the two pennies Mr. Everard had given him. His clear blue eyes were brimming with tears and his chin quivered. “Iwant to stay,” he repeated, jerking the coins in my direction. “We must pay for what we want,” he said in a soft voice.
I closed my eyes with a sigh, fighting sudden tears. I leaned forward and curled his fingers over the pennies, my hands trembling. “Not this time.”
He scowled, fresh tears escaping his eyes. “Why not?”
“Money cannot buy us everything we want. It can only buy things that are for sale.” My voice trembled. Charles had never seen me cry, and I didn’t want to start now. “Keep the pennies and buy a candy from the shop in Silton.”
He gave a small nod, retreating back to his bed and burrowing under the blanket.
I caught my breath in the corridor, squaring my shoulders. My emotions were not in their proper state, and seeing Owen while I was so discomposed wouldn’t be wise. I drew three deep breaths, tucking my sorrow away. Peter and Charles would recover. They were resilient like that.
I was the one who might not be strong enough.
I tugged my white gloves up high on my arms as I made my way down the staircase. The Kellaways and Everards stood together at the front door, with Alice, Edmund, and Miss Lyons waiting nearby. Miss Lyons wore an ivory gown covered in pleats and rosettes. Alice wore green, which suited her quite well. She greeted me with a smile.
My nerves spun wildly as I joined the carriage with Alice, Miss Lyons, and Edmund. I would have been nervous enough knowing it was my first ball, but knowing I would see Owen there made it far worse. There was so much I wanted to say to him—to clarify that I was not engaged to Mr. Baines, to thank him, to say goodbye—but taking the opportunity would put me far too close to him. Keeping my distance was necessary if I wanted to make it through the evening. I fixed my gaze out the dark window as the carriage rolled down the country road.
Alice nudged her brother. “Edmund. You must ask Miss Downing for her first dance.” Her eyes flashed with excitement. “She has been practicing all week, and dancing with you first might help ease her nerves.”
Edmund glanced at me. He had a curious look on his face. I stared at that look, trying to decipher what it meant. “I shall ask Miss Downing for herseconddance.”
Alice frowned. “Why not the first?”
He leaned back with a shrug. “I know someone else who would like to be first.”
I stared at him in confusion. What did he know? Had Owen told him about my engagement…or about the reasons he had left Kellaway Manor? Did brothers confide in one another about matters of the heart? Edmund’s expression betrayed him. Hedidknow something about me that he wouldn’t say aloud.
“Edmund! Who is it? You must tell us now.” Alice jabbed a finger at his arm.
He shifted away. “I am sworn to secrecy.”
Alice’s jaw hung slack as she jerked her gaze to me. I shrugged, hoping to convey that I was not aware of this secret.
The darkness in the carriage combined with the bumpy road made my stomach ill. When we finally turned onto the road leading to Willowbourne, I felt close to vomiting.
Edmund helped us down from the carriage, and I sucked in a deep breath of fresh air. The moment our feet touched the ground, our driver led the carriage away, leaving me with no method of escape.
Willowbourne loomed ahead, the countless windows glowing with candlelight. It was much grander than it had looked from the main road. It must have been at least three times as large as Kellaway Manor, but with the same golden stone. We passed the pond at the front of the house, the surface reflecting the stars like dark glass.
