I gave a quick nod. “That would be wise.”
I unfurled myself from his arms, taking a step back. My legs still shook, but my pulse had returned to normal. Before he could leave, a question burst out of my mouth, completely unbidden. “Will you tell me what happened between you and Miles?”
He stopped, his mouth a firm line.
“Tell me everything.” My voice broke. “I am prepared to hear it. I want to know how he has hurt you and I want to know all the lies he has told.” I sniffed. “I am through with hiding from the truth simply because it scares me.”
Alexander took a heavy breath, glancing behind him. “I will try to be brief.”
I nodded my agreement.
He began in a quiet voice. “I was mischievous as a child, but I grew out of it. Miles seemed to have an opposite trajectory.”
I stopped him. “You didn’t grow out of it completely.”
“I’m not speaking of harmless mischief and teasing. In his adolescence, Miles disregarded every rule my parents tried to enforce. There was once a time he stole a family heirloom—our grandmother’s necklace—and sold it, keeping the money for himself. When the investigation was underway, he convinced our elder brother that I was the one who stole it, and with their combined efforts, they convinced my parents of the same. He once wounded one of our horses by riding too recklessly. Because of the reputation I had accrued from his lies, he easily put the blame on me. I was his scapegoat. That is why I was sent away to school rather than being educated at home as my brothers had.”
My heart sank. “That is horribly unfair.”
“You haven’t heard the worst of it.” His jaw tightened. He seemed hesitant to continue.
“Please tell me,” I whispered.
His hesitant eyes met mine, but he nodded. “Four years ago, I had just finished my education at Oxford. I was working with the local parish near my family estate to become part of the clergy. During that spring and summer, Miles lived at the house as well.”
That was the summer I lived with my aunt and uncle. It was just before my fateful Season with Henrietta, when I had become engaged to the baron.
“University, and his time in London, had made Miles a rake,” Alexander continued. “I had seen him flirting with maids in the household on many occasions, promising a future he could never give them. In the months that we both lived at our family estate, it was discovered that one of the scullery maids was with child. Miles had already left for London, but he returned to pay the young woman to claim that I was the one who had romanced her. No matter how I denied it, her claims were firm against me. My local parish learned of the disgrace, and my plans for a profession in the church became impossible.”
I covered my mouth with one hand. My stomach turned.
Alexander’s brow furrowed as he watched my signs of alarm. “I was forced to change my course. I was eventually accepted at an inn of court to study the law. After my studies there were complete, I moved to York, where I was able to use the connections I had made in school to obtain enough work to pay off my educational debts. I finally came ahead and began making a respectable living. I still hoped to regain the respect of my parents, but without a confession from Miles, I doubted it was possible.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at the floor. “Two years ago, just before his embarkation, Miles found me in York. He didn’t have enough money for his passage and settlement in India. Like a fool, I made a bargain with him. I would lend him money for his passage and lodging if he would repay me upon his return, and confess the truth to our parents of what had happened two years before. He agreed, took my money, and boarded the next ship. But he didn’t confess.”
I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. The summer Miles had romanced the maid…he had been writing me love letters. He had courted me in London at the start of the season before returning home for a time. Now that I knew the story, I felt ill. When I had written to him about my plight with the baron, he had been too preoccupied with paying the maid to blame Alexander to come to my rescue. I had assumed he was heartbroken. I had pitied him. I had felt guilty for years.
Hot anger pulsed through my veins, the heat growing as embarrassment bloomed in my chest. How could I have not seen through his act? His charms hadn’t only affectedme. He used them to his advantage with everyone he met.
I looked up at Alexander’s face and the raw concern in his eyes. He hadn’t enjoyed telling the story; he knew how it would hurt me. My skin burned with mortification. He had tried to warn me so many times, but I had been blind. Alexander’s entire family and parish had turned against him because of what Miles had done. He was owed money that Miles still withheld from him, refusing to take responsibility for his own actions.
I still tasted Miles’s uninvited kiss on my lips. In all aspects of his character, he was just as awful, if not even worse, than the baron. The realization made my heart sting.
“That is detestable,” I finally choked out. “I’m sorry.” My throat tightened around any additional words. My eyes stung.
Alexander drew closer, a hint of frustration in his gaze. “I wanted you to know, but I didn’t want the information to hurt you.” He searched my eyes. “It’s a lot to bear. I’m sorry if I have overwhelmed you.”
Footsteps beyond the corridor made me jump back. People were still visiting the refreshment table. If anyone turned the corner, we would no longer be hidden. It wasn’t wise to continue our conversation. Alexander looked over his shoulder before taking my hand softly in his. “I will explain your absence to Lady Tottenham. You will be safe in the study.”
I nodded. He gave my fingers a squeeze before stepping away. I felt his gaze on me until I was safely behind the door of the blue library.
CHAPTER 30
ALEXANDER
Anne didn’t stir as I opened the study door. A light snore escaped her nose as I approached. I smiled. She would murder me if she knew I had even heard the sound. She lay on the blue sofa, one arm tucked under her head. Her dark lashes were like crescents on her cheeks where the last of her tears had dried. I hated to wake her out of such a beautiful slumber, but I also hated to think of her sleeping the entire night on a stiff sofa. The room was dim, lit only by a single candle. The wick had almost burned out.
“Anne,” I whispered.
