“On the mouth,” Victoria added with a grin.
Mrs. Pike looked like she might faint from chagrin as Victoria practically skipped back to her seat on the other side of the room. I followed her movement with my gaze, all the way back to where Alexander sat.
I met his eyes, and my heart beat even faster. What would happen if I refused to pay the forfeit? I weighed the consequences in my mind. Mrs. Fitzgibbon had already been sent home along with her two cousins. What should stop Lady Tottenham from banishing me from Birch House for not keeping her rules? My pulse thrummed in my neck, and I could already feel heat climbing my cheeks. It could be quick. I could plant a quick kiss on his lips and be done with it. I didn’t have a choice this time.
“Come forward, Mr. Holland,” Lady Tottenham said in a gleeful voice. “Your affection for Lady Daventry is no secret. You may now display it properly. Or rather improperly, I suppose.” She chuckled.
I felt ill. My legs shook beneath me as Alexander stood from the settee. We had hardly spoken since our argument that afternoon, and the tension between us was still tangible. His dark eyes were difficult to read until he came closer. The caution in his gaze was obvious, but perhaps only to me. My heart was fully prepared to spring out of my chest.This is a game, I reminded myself.A harmless game.Our attachment was fake, so this kiss could be just as fake. But was there such a thing as a fake kiss? Lips touched lips. That was a kiss. A real, inarguable kiss.
One of my rules had clearly stated that there wasn’t to be any kissing, even for forfeits, but that rule was about to be broken, just like all the others. It was an obligation. I took a deep breath as Alexander drew a step closer.
With his back to the other guests, he searched my gaze, and I gave a minuscule nod. He was too tall for me to initiate the kiss, so I remained perfectly still until he lifted his hand to my face, his fingertips threading into my hair as he cradled my cheek. Shivers followed his touch, but I tried my best to ignore them. I swallowed, my breath hitching as his eyes lowered to my lips. I wished he would move a little faster to end it quickly, but he seemed intent to take his time.
He leaned his head down slowly. I had never been so nervous for anything, yet my anticipation had transformed from fear to desire in a matter of seconds. I closed my eyes, rising on my toes to close the space between us. His lips captured mine softly.
Although my lungs were full of air, they felt suddenly empty. My head was light. My skin was on fire, and my legs quaked beneath me. Alexander’s lips were soft and gentle, not greedy or harsh like others I had kissed before. I didn’t dare touch him. My hands hung limp at my sides, the only part of me that remembered we had an audience. But my lips parted with his, just once, stealing a few more seconds of a kiss that I had fully intended to last one, perhaps even less.
I remembered where we were—what we were doing—and pulled away fast. My cheeks burned. Alexander’s eyes met mine, shadowed by the dim candlelight of the room. My heart thudded. I didn’t dare look at him for long.
“That is what I call a proper kiss,” Lady Tottenham said with a clap of her hands. Her eyes gleamed with pride.
I smiled and gave an awkward laugh, but my insides were storming with confusion and a horde of other emotions I couldn’t name. My lips tingled as I hurried back to my seat beside Victoria. Alexander was right behind me, joining me back on the settee.
I stared straight ahead, swallowing hard against the sudden dryness in my throat. I had known that kissing Alexander, even as a forfeit, would be a mistake.
I had always known that it wouldn’t be a forgettable experience.
Victoria nudged me, her wide smile lighting up her entire face. “When he offers his proposal, remember who to thank,” she whispered.
She reminded me of my friend Nora. A little mischievous, too romantic, but kind-hearted. Her efforts were well-intentioned, though misguided. But how could she have known any better? Alexander was far too skilled an actor. Apparently my acting was improving as well. My heart pounded, accusing me of the lies I was telling myself.
After a few minutes, I couldn’t bear the awkwardness any longer. I stood, excusing myself with a curtsy. Lady Tottenham didn’t protest as I rushed into the corridor and back to my bedchamber. I shut the door and leaned against it, pressing a hand to my chest as I tried to calm my breathing.
My gaze caught on the pile of letters on my writing desk. I hurried toward it, digging frantically through them until I found the one from Miles. I read it again, grasping onto every word. I needed to be reminded of my purpose. My heart was muddled. It had once been clear, like an untouched lake, but Alexander had stomped through it, raising up clouds of mud in the water.
I focused on the last paragraph.
When I learned that you were widowed, I already had plans to go to India. I was afraid my feelings might not have been returned. Now that I am here, I regret my decision to leave. I am coming back to London. I plan to arrive no later than the middle of September of this year in the hopes that we might soon marry. I hope to find you there.
With all of my heart,
Miles
I hugged the letter to my chest, careful not to crumple it. This was my purpose in being here. I needed to remember that. Miles was coming back for me, and I was at risk of betraying him by growing too close to his brother. What would Miles think if he knew I had kissed Alexander, even as part of a game? Would he change his mind?
I returned the letter to the desk, keeping my palm pressed on top of it. I breathed deeply. I needed to forget that kiss, but my lips still burned. My stomach fluttered at the thought of it. I pushed the sensation away, searching for a distraction. My gaze caught on the pile of letters from Lady Tottenham—the midnight parlor game invitations. In my search for the letter from Miles, the pile had fallen askew, leaving several letters flipped to the blank side.
Except they weren’t blank at all.
My heart picked up speed as I snatched up the first letter. In the top left corner was one small letter.
W
On the bottom right corner was another.
R
I dug through the pile and found all six invitations, flipping them all to the opposite side. Each one had a letter in the top corner, and another in the bottom. How had I never noticed before? I scooped them up and moved them to my bed, placing them in a line with their backs facing me.
