“Oh, darling, I’m so sorry.”She reached for him, but hespun around to her, flames filling his eye sockets with so much heat she leapedbackwards.
“This,” he rumbled, “is your fault.”
Stunned and confused by the accusation, she took anotherstep back.“What are you talking about?”
“You made me soft.”He grabbed his chest, right over hisheart, his fingers digging in so fiercely his knuckles were white.“You made mefeel.”
She blinked.“Are you serious?The Memitim Council rejectsyour request and you’re mad atme?”
“I wouldn’t care about any of this if it weren’t for you,”he growled.
Her hurt veered sharply to annoyance at being blamed forsuch...stupidity.“Oh, well, gee,” she snapped.“I’m so sorry I made you into abetter person.”
He swept his arm across his desk, knocking papers, pens, andbooks everywhere.He’d done that before, but he’d done it so they could havesex on the desk.Somehowshe doubted they were goingto be getting naked anytime soon.
“I’m not a better person!”His lips peeled back to revealfangs he’d used on her to make her scream inpleasurebut which now sliced down like weapons.“I’m distracted and angry.I can’t stopthinking about how my children grew up.I hate it.I hate what I’ve become.”
“I hate what you’ve become too,” she said, practicallychoking on her words.They both hated what he’d become, but for differentreasons.“But we can fix it.”
He laughed, an ugly, cruel sound that made hercringe.“I’ve tried.Don’t you think I’ve tried?Want toknow how many hours I’ve logged in the Inner Sanctum?Want to know how muchmalevolence I’ve exposed myself to, the things I’ve done?Fuck, even Hades isuseless.”
Her mouth went so dry her tongue stuck to the roof of hermouth.She’d known he was angry, but she hadn’t known he was angry ather,or that he was unhappy.Or that he’d been jonesing for some good old-fashioneddepravity.
“So that’s it?You’d rather go back to how you were before Imet you?Cold and emotionless?Evil?”
“It was easier!”he shouted.
“I see.”She licked her lips, but it was like lickingsandpaper with pumice.“Well, I hate to tell you this, but love is hard.Relationships are work.Anything that’s worthwhile is.”
“Yeah?”His rumbling laughter filled the room and sentchills across her skin.“That’s all you’vegot?Alecture?”
So stubborn.“I’ve got love, Azagoth.”
He snorted dismissively, and it was like a blow to theheart.“That’s what got me into this mess.”
Her sucker-punched heart squeezed painfully, and tears stungher eyes.They’d been through so much, and she’d been so patient with him.Sheknew his life wasn’t an easy one and that he constantly struggled with the evilthat surrounded him, and she could allow him a lot of leeway.
But she didn’t deserve this.
“Fuck you,” she rasped as she spun toward the door.
She wanted to rail athim,to hurthim the way he’d hurt her, but she didn’t have the words or the breath.Anything more complex than telling him to get intimate with himself would makeher break down into a sobbing mess.
She stumbled over her own feet as she flung herself out ofthe library, her watery, blurry eyes not helping anything at all.
“Wait!Lilliana, wait.”Azagoth caught her by the arm andspun her around.“I’m sorry.”
She jerked out of his grip.“I don’t care.You don’t get tosay you regret loving me and then wipe it all away with two words.”
“I didn’t say I regret loving you.”
“Semantics.Don’t play that bullshit.”
“Lilliana.”He inhaled a ragged breath, and when he spokeagain, his voice was calmer.“I spent thousands of years being unable to feel,being unable to connect to anyone, and now I have all these children I want toknow, but...”He jammed his hand through his hair so viciously she expected himto come away with tufts between his fingers.“Sometimes emotions overwhelm meand I don’t know how to handle them.Yes, for a few moments I wanted to get ridof the pain.I just wanted to breathe for a second.But I’ve never once wantedto get rid of you.Please,” he begged, falling to his knees in front of her.“Idon’t know how to do this.”
Now she was the one growing soft.Seeing her big, powerfulmate brought to his knees by grief tore her apart.
“You do what you did with me,” she said gently.“You letyour children in.”
