She seems like she is always ready for a fight, always on guard. It’s as if she expects everything to be a challenge.
But here, now. She’s artlessly tranquil.
Behind me, Finnic exhales a long, resigned breath. “What do I need to do?”
I glance over my shoulder at him. “Just show him that you can contain those bottled-up emotions you have and everything will be fine.”
He shakes his head. “So, I’m not allowed to have any sympathy for someone who could be innocent in all of this?”
I arch a brow. “Did you not see the picture? This girl is no where close to innocent. She was bred and raised in this environment. The only thing she could possibly be is just ignorant and honestly, that’s sadder.”
“Maybe she didn’t know. Maybe she thought the money was for something good.”
I let out a dark chuckle. “You’re really sticking your neck out for a girl you met less than twenty-four hours ago.”
He sits in silence.
I know he understands what I’m saying. He’s smart like that.
He has no idea who she is or what she could be lying about. Yet, he stands here already defending her honor like he’s grown up with her all of his life.
I turn fully to face him then, studying him.
“You know what that tells me?” I ask quietly.
He doesn’t answer.
“It tells me you’re projecting,” I insist. “And projection gets people killed in this line of work.”
He scoffs under his breath. “Or it keeps them human. And so what if I am projecting? We all come into this job carrying trauma and shit from our past. We all have experiences that fuck with how we see things.”
I laugh, shaking my head at his honesty. “Feeling human while working for a man like the one we work for is a luxury we can’t afford to have.”
I step closer, close enough that he can’t look anywhere else without it being obvious.
“I’m not saying you don’t get to have a past.”
His gaze flicks to the wall, then back to me. “Hell,” he mutters, “everyone who ends up here does.”
I glance briefly at the blood that is now drying onto his arm before meeting his eyes. “But you don’t get to let the past grab the steering wheel when it comes to something like this. You don’t know her, and you probably never will.”
He clenches his jaw harder, but holds my gaze.
“I know what it’s like to carry shit that never shuts up,” I continue. “Fucked up memories that crawl into your thoughts at the worst possible moments.” My mouth twitches, something bitter passing through me. “That doesn’t make you special, Finnic. It makes you dangerous if you don’t keep that shit on a leash.”
The room’s atmosphere feels heavier as I continue.
“This job doesn’t offer second chances,” I state firmly. “Not when emotions start clouding judgment.”
He swallows.
“You hesitate, people die. Sometimes it’s the wrong people. Sometimes it’s you.”
I gesture vaguely toward Leigh without looking at her. “This setup exists to see if you can compartmentalize. If you can follow orders even when your instincts are screaming at you to play hero.”
His brow furrows. “So what? You want me to stop caring?”
“I want you to control it,” I snap. “There’s a difference. Caring without control gets you buried.”
