Gabe smiled. “Forrest, you know most of what has happened in our lives. You’ve been with us when we’ve experienced danger and happiness. You know a great deal about us; we, however, know very little about you.”
He exhaled slowly. “It does not make pretty telling.”
“We knew that was the case when you said nothing. Do you think it is now time to share some of it?”
Forrest looked at the trees and thought back to the life he’d lived in India.
“I married a British woman. Her family was wealthy, and it was considered a good match.”
“Did you love her?”
“No. I never loved her, but as I have never considered myself an overly emotional or passionate person, I thought it would be a comfortable match. It was for a time; we got on and enjoyed each other’s company. In fact, I believed in time we would love.”
Gabe snorted. “You are an emotional and passionate man. You just hide it well. I’ve seen you with your daughter. Those are not the actions of an unemotional man.”
“Ella has always been so much more than anything I could imagine. She’s the best of me and Helen.”
“Helen was her name. That’s a start. What else will you tell me?”
He looked at his cousin, his friend. A man he would trust with both Ella’s and his own life. He and his brothers had never asked questions or pushed for him to speak of his past.
“Helen wanted a child, as did I, and then she fell pregnant, and we were both happy. But everything changed after Ella was born. Helen was angry and depressed, wanting nothing to do with our baby. The doctors told me in time it would change, and she would return to who she was.”
“But that did not happen?”
“They gave her so much laudanum, she became addicted. Some days she would seem fine, and even hold Ella, others her rages could be heard through the house. The worst of it was she wanted her child dead. And me, for making her pregnant.”
“Christ, Forrest.”
“One day I went to Ella’s room to check on her and found Helen in there. She had a pillow and was about to place it on the baby’s face. I stopped her. We called her doctors and watched her every minute of every day from that moment on. I did everything I could to wean her off it. Her heart stopped two weeks later.”
“My God, what a living hell you suffered, cousin.”
“Her parents wouldn’t even speak to me or hold their grandchild. They blamed us for the loss of their beloved child. It was then I decided to leave India.”
“And of course, seeing as your parents had passed away, you had no support.”
“I thought England would give us a new start, and it did. I can never thank you and your brothers enough for that, Gabe.”
“Forrest, it was one of our happiest days when you arrived exhausted on our doorstep with Ella.”
The tight ball of guilt and pain inside him felt smaller somehow. As if sharing what he’d gone through with Gabe had helped ease some of it.
“I’m sorry I told you all that, especially here.”
“But you felt like you needed to because you couldn’t hold it inside you any longer?” Gabe asked him. “Remember what I was when you met me, Forrest. Cold, composed… I never shared anything about myself.”
“You took us in, Gabe. Those are not the actions of a cold and uncaring man.”
“I did not share myself with others. I carried my demons and burdens alone. Even my brothers knew nothing of what went on inside me. It was Dimity who changed me.”
“It is not our way to speak freely of what hurts us,” Forrest said.
“Unless you are Zach, and then he will share his last bowel movement with you.”
“True.”
“I am always there for you, cousin, as are the others. You need not carry your burdens alone.” Gabe clapped a hand on his shoulder.
