“No. I drove her to her friend’s place this morning. That’s why I’m back in the office instead of the safehouse.”
“Ah.” Ben said. “Yeah, I sh-should have realized that.” He shook his head.
Sure, castrate a guy, Charlene. Men don’t like women who make them feel stupid. No wonder you’re alone, the hated voice in her head said.
“Thank you for helping her,” Ben said quietly, his voice low enough that only she could hear.
Charlie glanced up at him—up, because even at six feet she still had to look up to meet his eyes—and found him watching her with an expression she couldn’t quite read.
“It’s my job,” she said, keeping her voice steady.
“It’s more than that.” He held her gaze for a moment longer, and Charlie felt her heart do something complicated and inconvenient in her chest.
Then he looked away, and the moment was broken.
Just a job, Charlie reminded herself.He’s just being polite.
But what if it was more than being polite?
“I’ll let you finish lunch.” He started to turn away, hummingThe Lady of Shalott.
Before she could think better of it, Charlie said, “Maybe we?—”
And men like pushy women even less. Damsels in distress, not women who act like men.Jesus, Charlene.
“—will see each other around sometime,” she finished lamely.
We’ll see each other around? Did I really just say that?
Ben stopped without turning back around. “Take care, Charlie.”
Charlie watched Ben Massey’s broad back disappear around a corner as his soft singing drifted back to her, making her shiver. He had a lovely, deep singing voice.
And I blew it.
She set her pen caddy down on her desk and opened the drawer. Her paperback copy ofSword of Emberswasn’t a first edition, but she’d had it for years and it showed, the bindingcracked in a dozen places where she’d read certain pages over and over, committing them to memory. She’d made a habit of reading the entire series start to finish at least once a year, and her favorite parts whenever she felt blue. Charlie ran her hand over the cover. She hadn’t lied when she told Ben she was reading it for research on her next client.
I can’t believe I told him it’s my favorite book, let alone that I know Fae.She cringed. Charlie hadn’t told anyone that, ever.
Just like Sir Mariel of the Ashensworn, Charlie couldn’t afford to take off her armor and show anyone who she really was.
Though she had, just a little last night with Shelly.
Shelly had spent the night at one of the Watchdog safehouses even after Charlie had gotten word from Shane that Morrison was in custody. It was like a dam broke for her, and she spent most of the night pouring out her pent-up grief and fear to Charlie. How Morrison had seemed so protective of her in the beginning. How he promised that since he was a cop, he knew how to keep her safe. How his protection started to feel smothering. His expectations that she be home when he wanted her to be regardless of her plans. To agree with everything he said and believed because ‘the world was dangerous, she was weak, he knew best, and it was for her own good.’ Until finally she realized his ‘protection’ was how he controlled her.
“I told him yesterday that I didn’t need his so-called protection,” she said between sobs. “And do you know what he said? He said I didn’t know what I was talking about and that I was getting it whether I wanted it or not.” She shuddered so hard, Charlie did what she almost never did with a client and put her arm around her. “Then he went back to accusing me of cheating on him.” She gave Charlie a bitter laugh. “Because why else would I possibly want to make my own decisions and live my own life?” she added, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “God, I’m so stupid.”
“No, you aren’t. It creeps up on us, sometimes,” Charlie said. “The people who you think you can trust the most, who are supposed to be our protectors, can use that protection, twist it, until they have us caught, blaming ourselves, telling ourselves we’re stupid, or weak, or naïve.”
Shelly sniffled. “Voice of experience?”
Charlie smiled softly. “Something like that.”
And that was as much as she was willing to share.
“I can’t believe it. You seem like such a badass.”
Right.
