Lachlan pulled back and cradled her face in his hands. “When you said out…”
She nodded. “I can’t do this anymore. Not just the sneaking around you and I do. I feel like I’ve lost my way. Or maybe I sold my soul.”
“Does this have to do with whatever happened in London?”
Gina took a deep breath. “It does.” She kissed him again. “Take me to bed first. Then we’ll talk.”
He didn’t need to be told twice.
* * *
“Lach?” Gina asked as she traced one of his scars after they’d made love.
“Yeah?”
“Do you ever feel conflicted about what you do? Or is it easy for you to compartmentalize?”
Lachlan propped himself up on his elbow. “It’s never easy. Do I feel right about it? Usually. Not always, but usually. I believe in what I’m doing for my country, even if I don’t always agree with the people in charge. But when I have a person to save, or an extraction, or when we’re backup for other guys who got in over their heads, there is no doubt in my mind that I’m doing the right thing.”
“So, you’re not ready to leave the teams.” She looked crestfallen.
God, his heart was racing. He wanted to talk her into leaving the CIA tonight. She’d looked so lost, walking into the bar. Not the young, fiery woman who’d rescued a princess. Seeing Gina so lost convinced him that the time was right. He thought he’d have a fight on his hands so he’d prepared an argument.
Lachlan stroked her cheek. “I never said that, lass. We have a guy on the teams,” he said. “Name’s Camden Bains. Joker. Always making the rest of us laugh, even when we’re in the shit. Absolutely dedicated to the job. A lifer. At least he was up until last month.”
“Oh, Lach, I’m sorry you lost your teammate.”
“No, no. He wasn’t killed. He lost his wife and baby girl Stateside.”
Gina covered her mouth. “How awful.”
“He’s devastated. Enough that I doubt he’ll return after his leave. He told me he feels guilty, that he wasn’t there for his daughter’s milestones, that he didn’t pay enough attention to what his wife needed. He’s full of regrets. Gina,” Lach gripped her hand in both of his, “it was a wakeup call. I know the risks every time I go on a mission. I may not come back, or I may not come back whole. I love being a SEAL. I love serving my country.” He lifted her hand and kissed it. “But it’s getting harder to leave you every time. I want to stop hiding us. I want to introduce you to my brothers.”
Sudden tears sprang to her eyes. “Lach. I’m?—”
“You married Jeremy, didn’t you?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.
She nodded, her golden eyes shiny with wetness. “Only as cover. I have no feelings for him, I swear.”
Lach gave her a gentle smile. “The possibility of you loving someone else never even crossed my mind, Sunshine. I know you love me. I feel it even when we’re apart. And I see it when we’re together.”
He kissed her with all the tenderness he could muster while he did everything he could to hide the gut-wrenching feeling at her words. He’d spoken the truth—he wasn’t jealous that way, wasn’t threatened by the thought of Gina somehow falling in love with Jeremy. What did bother him, what stoked his jealousy was the job itself. Those bastards just kept sinking their hooks deeper into his Sunshine. And he couldn’t help but feel Jeremy was behind it. But every time he tried to discuss the man with Gina, she grew defensive. He was her one blind spot, and it was because she was grateful to him.
“So what is it?” he asked. “Why do you want out now? Is it the marriage?”
“Partly, of course. It makes it harder for me to get away if I’m a happy newlywed.” She smiled ruefully. “But it’s more than that. I’ve always known this job could be dangerous and I don’t shy away from the risk. But…it’s when I have to put someone else in danger that I question what I’m doing.”
Lachlan frowned. “One of your assets?”
“Yes.” Gina ran a hand over her face. “I recruited a woman…” she trailed off.
“You shouldn’t be telling me this.”
“No, I shouldn’t.” Gina shivered and Lachlan wrapped his arms around her and tucked her into his chest.
“How much danger is she in?”
“If it’s what we suspect…then a lot.” He felt her trembling. “I wish I could take her place, but it’s impossible. And, they won’t let me do what I really want to do.”
