“Come with me?”
Ivan and Grant both give me encouraging head nods as I trail behind the Alpha.
He pulls me into what I thought was a small closet, maybe a place to store beverage carts or something, but it’s actually a cramped bedroom. The bed is bigger than a twin but smaller than a full. It’s just enough room for one person to pass out if they need to, but not somewhere I’d want to spend the night.
In the small space, it’s impossible to ignore Derrick’s mouthwatering, sweet, and nutty pecan pie scent.
I haven’t had a good pie in ages.
“Sit with me?” He perches on the side of the bed and pats it. I prop myself on the edge. My teeth find my lower lip as I toy with it in anticipation of what he has to say. He grabs my hand and feeds his fingers through mine. “Let me talk? Don’t interrupt me?”
I’m afraid that if I say anything, he’ll clam up. I know we have a lot to talk about, but there is pressure in person that wasn’t there while on the phone.
“I’d love to talk about our past, to explain again why I made the choices and told the lies I did. But there isn’t anything I can say other than every move I made came from the selfish desire to keep you with me, and the fear of what would happen if you knew the truth. But I didn’t want to hold you back from finding someone, which is why I kept the little bit of distance I did. I thought that with no real names, no revealing our locations, no telling you I loved you, you’d still be free to find someone who could love you out loud.”
My hand tightens around his as emotions clog my throat. I know exactly what he means. I, too, held those things back so he could find someone. I thought there was no way he could love a person like me, who was afraid of everything and swallowed by grief.
“I don’t want to look back. I want to look forward. Because Ariana, honey, you’re everything to me. I know I haven’t done right by you, but I want you to know I’ll do whatever it takes to show you how much I love you. I’ll never be worthy of you, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to be.”
“You don’t-”
“Let me finish, please?” His pleading eyes meet mine,and I pantomime zipping my lips. “I told you I quit my job. The guys are probably emailing their companies right now. I’m not expecting to move in with you. I got us a short-term rental until we can figure out where to buy. If you want the guys to move in with you, I’ll be there whenever you need me. I don’t expect you to bond with me or welcome me into your home. I’ve not earned that yet. And even if you never decide I do, I’ll still be there. I won’t let you get sick. I’ll never abandon you.”
“I know you won’t.”
The certainty with which I do surprises me, but I’m not sure why. He’s Derrick. I knew him before Ivan and Grant came into the picture, and I still do. In my heart, in my soul, I’ve always been his.
Does it matter if it’s not perfect? If we don’t know every little thing about one another? Can anyone know every piece of the person they love? My parents always talk about how they still find new stories to tell each other, even though they’ve been together for almost forty years.
Derrick is looking at his shoes, stuffy-looking dress ones that probably squeeze his toes. His glasses are slipping down his nose, and his shoulders are hunched over.
He looks defeated, and I don’t like that on him.
I open my mouth to offer reassurances, but my words dry up on my tongue as he continues.
“I love you. I think I loved you from the first private message, when you asked me what I was doing on a forum for a show I appeared to hate. I don’t know why that did it, but I knew that I was never going to let you go. Those few weeks after I met Grant, when I pushed you away, were some of the toughest in my life. I’m not meant to be away from you. I need you like sunshine. Like the air in my lungs. But I’d give it to you if you needed it. Every breath I take, everything that makes me me, is yours for the taking.”
His eyes meet mine, and I almost gasp at the naked emotion in them. I’ve always loved a man who isn’t afraid to show his feelings, and this pack is not shy about it. Some people may prefer their men stoic, but not me. I love that all three of them don’t hide that side from me.
“I’m yours, Onion.” I take a sharp breath at hearing that name on his lips again. “Please, please, will you consider being mine?”
I don’t answer him.
I can’t.
It’s not because I don’t have an answer for him. It’s not because I can barely see straight since my eyes are brimming with tears.
It’s because something instinctual has reared up inside me. A part of me that I can’t deny. And I’m grateful it has, because it gives me the chance to turn off my mind.
I don’t need to think about this. I’ve always known. Deep down, it was always Derrick who was going to walk this life beside me.
And how lucky am I that he brought two amazing men with him?
He’s waiting for me to answer him, and I know words aren’t enough. I sling one leg over him and perch on his lap, luxuriating in the way his body feels against mine for the first time. I stroke his cheek before feeding my hand into his hair and yanking his head to the side.
And I bite.
I bite and hold on until the shocked, sticky feeling of his emotions blooms in my chest.
