“My brother died because his bonded Alphas died. Worse, they were his scent matches. I’ve done extensive research on FOS, but it’s an underfunded area of medicine. So maybe some of the rich people watching this can make donations to a research foundation in Calvin’s honor, yeah?”
An Omega can develop FOS in a few ways.
Spending a long time on high-dose suppressants, which lock up their Omega pheromones.
Being exposed to scent matches and losing access to their pheromones.
Having a bonded Alpha die.
“Calvin never stood a chance. It wasn’t an if he got FOS, but rather a when.”
I stand and resume my pacing. The TV has replaced Drew’s face with the show’s logo, so there are no responses to my words. However, processing out loud is actually helping me.
“That’s why I stayed locked in my house for so long. If I stepped out of those doors, I could meet my scent match. If I never met my scent match, I never had to worry about something happening and not getting their pheromones. If I didn’t take suppressants, I couldn’t get FOS, either. And if I never fell in love with an Alpha, I’d never want to bond them, and that risk would be gone, too. It wasn’t like I was scared of the world. I was scared of the potential the world held for ruining my life.”
I’m scared of death. It blows my mind that some people aren’t. Eventually, after so long locked in my house, I had convinced myself that the moment I was outside of those doors, an Alpha could come strolling past, and I would be trapped.
And as terrified I was getting here, as devastated I was when I realized who the guys were to me, I haven’t gotten that itchy feeling I used to get whenever I thought about leaving my house.
“I’m not cured of my anxiety by any means. And I much prefer being in my home rather than anywhere else, but the worst has already happened. I met my scent matches. What’s the point in keeping myself locked up anymore? Maybe, when I’m no longer in this house with just them, I’ll lose my shit in a crowd. But right now? I have to decide how I want them in my life long term, because they’re going to be. Even if it’s just meeting up once a week for a pheromone infusion. Fuck, that would be hard, though. Seeing them that often. I’m already falling in love with them. I already love them, I think. Seeing them, and not having them as mine, would probably kill me.”
I stop pacing and look up at the camera again. “Okay, listen to me, America. I’m falling in love with them. I’m definitely in love with Derrick. It’s easier to admit that because I’ve seen his face and heard his voice so much. Ivan and Grant, though? I didn’t even know they existed. It doesn’t matter, though. Meeting them has been like having deja vu. I know they’re mine.”
My hair is still an unwashed mess, so my fingers get stuck while I drag them through it. “Mistakes were made, but shit. Mysoulknows theirs. I can already feel them here.” I hammer my fist on my chest. “They’re here, and they’ll never go away. It would kill me if they did. And that’s the problem, isn’t it?”
I think back to the letter from Calvin, to all the conversations we had after his pack died.
“Even though I lost my Alphas, being their Omega for any amount of time was better than never knowing them. You’ll understand one day, when you find those people for you.”
“I don’t want your fear and anger to force you to forget all of the wonderful, beautiful things that have happened to me over my life because of my designation.”
I have let fear run my life since my brother took his last breath.
And honestly? Fear’s done a pretty shitty job.
Anger hasn’t done much better.
“Being their Omega for any amount of time was better than never knowing them.”
My heart aches at the thought of him. It always does.
But I think I’m finally realizing what he wanted me to know. What he hoped I would find.
With my hand over my heart, tears falling down my cheeks, I open the bedroom door.
“I’ve made my decision.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
“What doyou think is going to happen?” I have felt as if I am going to crawl out of my skin since my Omega locked herself in her room.
Grant runs his fingers through his hair, not looking away from her door. “I don’t know. I think it was really shitty of the producers to ask her to do this.”
“It wouldn’t be a grand prize if it were easy.” Bridgette’s voice surprises me. I hadn’t seen her face pop up on the screen or heard the bell sound that precedes her. “You’re not being forced to do it.”
“Even putting that idea out there was unfair. Her worst fear came true, and now you’re asking her to bond with one of us?” It’s not anger that flashes in Grant’s eyes, but devastation. “This could push her away from us for good.”
“I don’t believe that will happen. Everyone can see how much you care about one another. Things will work out. And when it does, I want an invitation to your bonding celebration.”
