Why does it feel like forever?
“Baby?” Grant’s voice is slightly muffled on the other side of the door. “Are you hungry? Ivan is making lunch.”
I don’t answer him. I don’t know what sound will come out when I open my mouth.
Will I sob? Scream? Whine?
Better not risk it.
The door opens slowly, even though I didn’t call him in. My Beta’s face is drawn into a frown as he sticks his head through the crack. His hair lacks its usual luster, and he’s not wearing the black eyeliner I was growing accustomed to seeing smudged around his eyes.
I forgot that, with Derrick leaving, Grant lost his Alpha. It’s only for a few days, but when we’re cut off from the outside world, it isn’t easy to keep it all in perspective. It feels like so much more than that.
I pull back the covers and pat the bed next to me without saying a word. I don’t know what makes me do it, only that I’ve felt better every time I’ve been around Grant.
I can tell myself it’s because he’s a Beta and that means he’s safe all I want, but it’s more than that.
He’s mine. He was always meant to be mine. He will always be mine.
I don’t have it in me to deny that right now.
Grant crawls into bed next to me, his body heavy as he slides beneath the covers. He wraps his arms around my waist as if he’s afraid I’ll reject him, and when I don’t, he buries his nose in the crook of my neck.
“Tell me that this isn’t going to ruin everything. That you’ll still give us a chance. Because now that Derrick is gone, it feels like he took our chance at winning you over with him.”
“I...”
How do I put into words that I know he and Ivan werea part of the lie, but that it doesn’t hurt the way it does with Derrick?
It feels like Sax betrayed me, and Sax is Derrick. He was from day one. Sure, they went along with it, pretending the conversations I was having with them were with Sax, but he was the one I talked to the most. He’s the one I watched smile on video.
It feels easier to separate that hurt from the other two. Whether that’s fair to Derrick or not, it doesn’t matter.
“I’ll still give you a chance, Grant,” is what I settle on.
His heavy exhale brushes my neck as he pulls my body closer to his than I thought possible. We press flush against one another, and I can feel every hard edge of him.
“I hate history,” he whispers against my hair. “Ask me when the first season ofExpectedaired, and I can tell you the exact date. Don’t bother asking whether I know about one of the wars. I don’t. I fell asleep in history class.”
His broad hand begins rubbing soft circles on my stomach as he speaks.
“It was me who shaved half of my head because I thought I was edgy. Eventually, I had to take it all off because it looked ridiculous. It’s why I wear my hair long now. Well, that and it gives me a definedlook. And if I want to make it as a model, I need one of those, apparently.”
It wasn’t a surprise that Grant models. He looks like he belongs on the streets of Milan, not here in bed with me. Even with his eyes shadowed and hollow, his hair hanging limp, he’s still one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen in my life.
“I can’t sing. It sounds like a dying cat. Or maybe an elephant whose tail got stepped on.”
I’m not able to smother my laugh, and his hands tighten around me as my chest bounces.
“I’m an exhibitionist, if you didn’t realize. Plus, I’mweirdly into ears. Like, I want mine chewed on, and I want to chew on yours.”
“I think a lot of people are turned on when their ears are nibbled on.”
He shrugs and places a soft kiss on my neck. “Maybe. Derrick hates it. Ivan is indifferent. But me? Shit, that’s the fastest way into my pants. Something about the breathy noises has my knees weak. Is that what ASMR is?”
Our conversation flows so naturally that outsiders might think we’ve known each other all our lives. “I’ve never understood ASMR.”
“Me neither, but if that’s what it is, I may have to subscribe to some accounts.”
