I lower myself onto the bed beside her. Not right next to her, but within touching distance. Close enough that I can whisper, in an attempt to keep microphones on the cameras from picking up what we say. I always thought that on shows like this, the people had to wear microphones, but we were told that they’re hidden inconspicuously around the house, and the ones on the cameras are super sensitive.
This may not stay between us, but I’m praying it will.
“You were never idle gossip, Onion. You were our obsession. Our greatest desire. You were what drove us to do better, to be better. It got out of hand. I never should have let it go on so long. I should’ve told you the moment I met Grant and introduced you to him so you could fall in love with him the way I did. When Ivan came along, Ishould have let him video call you so you could see his smile, the way his eyes lit up when he heard you laugh.”
It’s killing me not to touch her. I want to hold her hand, to stroke the sensitive skin of her inner wrist. She’s shifted toward me, almost closing the distance, and I worry that a wrong move will have her flying across the room.
“But I didn’t share all of you. How could I, when you were whispering your darkest desires to me with your hand between your thighs? I was the one who talked you through it. Every. Fucking. Time. I would never have deceived you about that.”
There were several times when she was in heat, Onion would call me while out of her mind with desire. I’d tell her everything I’d do to her if I were there. I’d listen to her fuck herself. I’d sit there with my cock about to rip through my pants, my knot sore and aching, and imagine what she tasted like. I’d lock myself in my room, unwilling to break her trust by involving the other two, and listen to her come over, and over, and over, until she passed out in a haze of heat.
She would always wake up mortified that she called me, and we’d pretend like it never happened. We’d go back to business as usual, as if I didn’t know what she sounded like when she came. Ignoring how much we wanted each other.
Her chest hitches at my words, making her voice breathy. “That doesn’t mean they don’t know.”
Deciding to risk her rejection and her anger, I gently kiss her shoulder, teasing my nose along the curve of her neck.
“You’re right. They do know some of it. It wasn’t always me you were texting. But they don’t know what you sound like when you come. I do.”
Her hand grips the front of my t-shirt, and I think she’sgoing to use it to shove me away, but instead she pulls me closer and crashes her lips to mine.
Kissing her is like coming home.
Every dream I had, every fantasy, pales in comparison to this.
To the unequitable rightness of this moment.
She’s aggressive, nipping my lips and refusing to let me take control. It’s a punishment of a kiss, and I will take my lashes every time if it means I get to feel her body pressed against mine.
“I never shared the photos,” I whisper against her lips when she lets me up for air. “Those were only for me.”
“You didn’t have a knot.” She grips me over my pants, right on top of my knot. “Was that Grant’s cock?”
“All me, honey. Just with some clever angles, clothes, and hand placement.” I chase her mouth with mine, savoring her gasp as I buck my hips into her hand.
Vaguely, in the back of my mind, I realize this is too fast. That she may hate me more than she already does if this goes further. That even if she doesn’t, this won’t fix the problems I caused.
But then she shoves me onto my back, swings a leg over my hips, and I lose all reasonable thought. My world begins and ends with the taste of her lips.
Chapter Sixteen
I’m kissing Sax.
Holy shit, I’m kissing Sax.
Derrick.
I’m kissing Derrick.
His hands are on my hips. Large, strong hands that I’ve fantasized about for years, and I can feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest beneath my palms.
He thrusts up, grinding his cock against me, and I can feel the ridge of his knot. He’s not supposed to have one, but he does, and I can’t deny that it would feel incredible. I moan with desperate abandon into his mouth, needing him more than I can say.
I burn for him, ache for him, and I cannot wait any longer to have him. The need is too strong, the pull between us impossible to deny.
Did I imagine that our first time together would be in front of cameras, for the world to see? No, of course not. But I cannot find it in me to care nowthat I am in his arms.
Derrick grabs my face, angling me perfectly for his tongue to fuck into my mouth, and I melt against him.
