Sometimes it’s easy to forget that Derrick and Grant haven’t been together for their entire lives. They fight like an old married couple sometimes.
Being scent matched to a Beta isn’t what I thought it would be. I assumed I’d fall in love with my scent matches, but it’s not like that between Grant and me. Not that we haven’t tried. We’ve both left our hearts open to more, just in case. Currently, our relationship is more like close friends with benefits. We’ll hook up when we’re in the mood, and sometimes Derrick will join, sometimes he won’t.
Honestly, it’s one of the easiest relationships I’ve ever had in my life. Grant just gets me. He always has.
“She’s in the bathroom, crying. I couldn’t listen to it anymore. It was too painful.” Grant weaves his fingers through mine and Derrick’s. “We fucked up, guys. This was not the way to do this.”
“Well, we can’t take it back.” Derrick jostles Grant a bit, shuffling our Beta halfway onto his lap before continuing. “We have to convince her to get to know us as individuals. So she can see that we’re not strangers. She knows things about each of us. She needs to be able to attach memories of Sax to us as individuals.”
“You act like it’s one of those charts from grade school, where you draw a line to the associated object. What are those things called?” I wrack my brain, but come up empty. “Not important. It’s not as simple as matching up traits to our faces. She’s gonna feel vulnerable because we know so much about her, and she doesn’t know shit all about us.”
I know that it’s me who got into a car wreck and don’t like driving anymore, but she doesn’t know that. She knows that happened to Sax, but she’s going to have a hard time connecting the things she learned about Sax to each of us.
The idea hits me all at once. “What if we start over?”
“Start over?” Derrick’s confusion is reflected on Grant’s face.
“Yeah. Let’s not try to remind her of all the things she knows aboutSax, because Sax is gone. The Sax she knew doesn’t exist anymore, now that she knows he’s not one dude or a Beta. And everything she knows about Sax isn’t just you, Derrick. It’s all of us. So rather than trying to convince her that she knows us, let’s date her. Court her. Let her get to know us without the pressure of Sax and Onion weighing on us.”
Derrick clicks his tongue as he thinks. Grant has calmed down after contact with both of us and has wiggled off the couch. He heads to the kitchen and grabs several beers from the fridge. When our packmate questions his choice with a raised eyebrow, our Beta shrugs and cracks open his can.
“We’re locked in a house for a week. I don’t think the time I start drinking matters, especially since I’m not getting my mimosa brunch.”
“So, what, we ask her on a date?” Derrick stares at the room where Onion has locked herself away. “Just go knock on the door, say ‘Let’s start over’?”
I shrug. “Why not? She’s literally in a bathroom, crying. It can’t get much worse.”
Before they can stop me, I slip out of the living room and into the one where Onion is. The sheets on the bedare slightly rumpled, but it’s the soft, hiccuping cries from the closed door on the left side of the room that catch my attention.
I rap on the door softly with my knuckle.
“Hi.” I slide to the floor and press my back against the door. “I’m Ivan. I was wondering if you’d be willing to let me take you on a date?”
Silence answers me, but I suppose it’s better than the crying.
“I know we don’t know each other, not really. And all of this isn’t what you expected when deciding to come on this show. I guess that’s why the show is called that, huh? I bet this season is going to have great ratings, being as this is going to be the biggest reveal ever on it.” I’m rambling, I know, but I struggle with the need to fill dead air constantly. Especially considering she’s not yelling at me to leave or asking me to shut up.
I’ll talk until she asks me to stop.
“Anyway, I’m Ivan. I’m twenty-eight, and an Alpha, but you knew that already, and you hate it. Sorry about that. If it makes you feel any better, I’m not too keen on being an Alpha myself. It’s a hassle on the best of days. Not to be all TMI with you, but holy shit, do you know how annoying going into a rut is? I guess you do, heat isn’t much different, but like you don’t want to murder people when you’re in heat, do you? I mean, not that I’d blame you, that shit seems like ithurts.”
A soft chuckle rewards my rambling, and I’m going to be insufferable about it.
I got her tolaugh. She’s crying on the bathroom floor, and I, Ivan Miller, got her to laugh.
Yeah, I’m going to be riding this high for a long time.
“I once beat the shit out of Derrick while in a rut. I don’t know if you know that’s his name. He’s the otherAlpha. I don’t even remember what triggered the rut, but I felt so bad when I came to. I mean, not too bad, because the dude can be a bit of a dick if I’m honest. It’s not that he’s an asshole or anything by nature, but he’s ‘pragmatic’, which on the surface seems like a good thing, but sometimes you need someone to listen to you, not to solve shit, you know?”
“Yeah.” Her voice is soft and shaky, and if I weren’t on the floor, I’d have hit my knees at that single syllable. “Solutions are good, but there are times when it’s just nice to be heard.”
“Exactly! You get it. You know, I’m a great listener. Heard it my entire life.” I raise my voice in an imitation of my mother’s, knowing she’s going to want to slap me upside the head when she watches this episode. “‘He was such a sweet, observant child, my Ivan.’ I was always a pleasure to have in class because I did everything my teachers told me to do. So uh. Is there anything you’d like me to listen to? We’ve just established that I’m excellent at it. May as well put me to good use.”
It takes a few minutes, but eventually, I see a shadow shift under the door. I picture her turning to her side, leaning her shoulder against the wood. I mirror the pose to feel closer to her.
“I didn’t sign up for this show. Marlie did it on my behalf.” Marlie. Her best friend from school. I’ve seen pictures of them together. She’s a pretty Omega, but does not hold a candle to mine. “I didn’t want to do it. I almost backed out so many times. But Sax accepted, and I let myself get excited about finally meeting him. It was fucking terrifying getting here. I hated it. I still hate it. This place is all wrong, and I feel like a ticking time bomb now. And I don’t know what to do, Ivan. I love Sax. Loved? I have no idea if I should talk about him in the present orpast tense, because the Sax I know doesn’t exist. Not in the way I thought he did.”
“I can see how that would get confusing. I would say past tense? Since the Sax you knew is never coming back?”
