Except.
I don’t.
I should, but I don’t.
I have fantasized about my first kiss for a long time. I always assumed it would be with Sax. I couldn’t picture myself meeting anyone else and wanting to be intimate with them.
But Sax?
Yeah, I’ve had that daydream a time or two hundred.
It was the man Grant told me is actually named Derrick that I pictured, not him, but still.
My first kiss is Sax, even if he’s not what I expected.
I’m kissing Sax.
Or, a part of him. A piece of the man I have loved since before I knew what love was. I don’t know yet what piece Grant is of the Sax I have fallen for, but he is Sax.
His tongue strokes the seamof my lips, and I part them hesitantly, tripping over the movements in my inexperience. He gently probes into my mouth, his tongue sweetly stroking mine as I gasp at the sensation.
After a painfully short kiss that still manages to weaken my knees, Grant pulls his soft lips from mine and swears under his breath.
“Derrick is going to kill me.”
It takes a moment for my brain to come back online. Kissing Sax was nothing like I dreamed it would be, and yet it was everything I could have hoped for.
Until this moment.
Until I see the regret that paints over Grant’s delicate, elven features.
“Why would he kill you?” My voice is small, but at least it escapes past the lump in my throat.
“He wanted your first kiss. He’s going to be so pissed I stole it from him.”
His words crash down around me, ruining every good feeling that kiss provoked.
“Stole it from him? As if it was his to give, and not mine?”
Grant realizes his mistake, and he starts to stumble over his words. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just because you have known him the longest, and he’s the face you know, so it made the most sense…” His words trail off once he locks eyes with me.
“You all made a plan. And you deviated from it.”
“When you say it like that, it sounds kind of gross.” He ruffles the hair on the back of his head.
“It is gross. So tell me. What else is on this plan? Who is on deck to take my virginity? Just so that I don’t ruin it more than I already have.”
I’m more hurt than angry. They came onto this show, knowing they lied to me about so many things, knowinghow much I didn’t want to be around Alphas, and yet they made plans about who would kiss me first?
Like it was a foregone conclusion that I was going to forgive them?
When a few moments have passed, and Grant hasn’t answered me, I deflate. My hurt and anger have given way to resignation.
“Just leave, Grant. Go.”
He shakes his head and his soft, floral scent, bitter from my rejection, almost slaps me in the face.
“No.”
