“Three times a week?”
“It’s the maximum amount. I’d go every day if I could. I want to make sure you never have to feel pressured to stay with me. Ivan said he’s going to start donating, too. That way, if anything ever happens to us, you won’t go through what Calvin did.”
A startled sob escapes her, but she tries to smother it with her hand.
She’s not fast enough.
I gather her in my arms and pin her to my chest while burying my face in her neck. I can’t make sense of what I’m feeling from her in our bond right now. “I’m sorry Ihid this from you. I didn’t want you to know because I worried you’d think I was just doing it to win you over.”
“This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
I’m not sure what reaction I expected from her. I wasn’t sure when to tell her, because I don’t like the idea of making her think about her pack dying, but I feel a weight has lifted off of me now that she knows.
When her tears don’t seem to slow, I sweep her up in my arms and carry her out of the clinic. I try not to jostle her as I place her in the passenger seat and pull her seatbelt over her lap. It’s not until I turn the car on and click my buckle into place that she sniffles away her tears enough to talk.
“I was so worried when I realized you were keeping something from me. Don’t be mad at Marlie for telling me where you were.”
“She warned me not to keep it a secret from you. I should have listened to her. I never wanted you to go through this kind of stress, and she knew this would happen. She’s a good friend. One of her brothers works in a lab at the storage facility, so when I mentioned what I was doing to her, she hooked me up with him.”
Ariana turns toward me with her arms wrapped tightly around her body. “And you did this because of Calvin?”
“For you.” I hit the blinker and turn into the parking lot of a superstore so I can look at her while we have this conversation. “Calvin’s death destroyed you. I hated that you lived in fear every day. I knew that when you met me, all you could think about was what happened to him, and if I could do something about it, I needed to. You faced your fears going ontoExpected, and I didn’t want that to be in vain. I want you to have a safety net. If something happens to me, or you come to your senses and realize thatI am not good enough for you, I needed to make sure that you would be okay.”
She reaches across the console and grabs my hands. “I love you, Derrick. So fucking much. You gave me my life back.”
I brush some of her hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek. “I’d give you anything, honey.”
When she leans forward and presses her lips to mine, all of the tension I was holding onto drains out of me. “I don’t need anything. Just my pack.”
Chapter Forty-Four
“I wishyou had felt comfortable telling us. I hate knowing that you’ve been holding onto this.”
“I was just so angry at him, Mom. And then at myself for being mad at him. He couldn’t help dying.”
I curl up in my nest, cradling the phone against my shoulder. I told the guys I wanted to be alone so I could call my parents and tell them about Calvin’s last request and the letter before the show airs. It took me ages to get up the nerve to press the call button, but now that I’ve told them everything, my heart feels lighter.
Calvin was my brother, but he was their son. They deserve to know how he felt at the end and why I acted the way I did.
“I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you.”
Dad coos at me like he did when I was small.“You don’t need to apologize. None of us were our best then. We should never have let you shut yourself in the way you did. Our grief isn’t an excuse for not helping you with yours.”
“We love you so much, Ari.”My Papa’s gruff voice soothes my frayed edges. He’s always had that effect on me.“I’m sorry if we ever made you feel like you couldn’t come to us.”
“It wasn’t anything you did. I felt so guilty.”
“You do not need to feel guilty. He never should have put that on you. It was an impossible thing to ask of you.”Guilt twists inside my chest as my mom comforts me. I hate that I’ve missed out on so much time with her. I struggled to be around her after Calvin died, and that wasn’t fair.
“So.”Pops’s teasing tone is a departure from the somber nature of the conversation.“Marlie called us.”
My back stiffens. I hadn’t planned to have the ‘I have a pack now’ conversation. I was going to tell them next week. Maybe two weeks.
“She did?” My voice is tight. “About what?”
“She said you were on a TV show.”Father always sounds stern, even when we’re having a casual conversation.“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Uh. Well.” I feel a bit like a scolded child. “Do you have time?”
